Ness bah kan!

Words by a Grandma who wears genuine heeled Ferragamos with matching handbag and Armani denim

2012-01-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

‎"没有辛苦, 没有成功 - Most see success without recognising what came before it, like tears and perseverance. They also forget that every setback is actually a step forward in experience, towards achieving greatness. You don't how many people suffer the 17 or so failures before their big break… and these are the people who truly understand and are not afraid of making mistakes or learning from them, because they know each of those strengthen them for the future."

Wise grandparents are so wise. I'm a little late to say this, but I'm ready.
Not only am I ready, I have something that will be with me forever to remind me. It was a looooong bittersweet experience, but fuck its worth it ;)

Baking!

2011-11-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

So, in a few days I baked some:

coffee and salted caramel macarons

mocha (coffee and dark chocolate) macarons

banana bread

red velvet cupcakes with rose water cream cheese frosting

These are my resting macarons.

This is a very very important step in macaron making because they seriously determine the strength of the crust and size of feet when being baked.

This is the salted caramel ^^

Ready! they are pretty awesome!

Always find matching pairs and arrange them neatly to help with piping.

And one little bugger didn't have a pair.

So I triple layered one macaron!

And as usual.... I always overpipe the fillings.....

And then topped with cocoa powder.

These were the batches for the mocha macarons.

The difference of the biscuit was that I dusted cocoa powder on them while they were still wet and resting.

Look at the size of those feet!

No flash

These are the mini banana breads I made using the one last banana in the house.

That was all of it - 2 muffins, from one banana.. and they tasted sooo good fresh from the oven with butter.

I saw this while having lunch in a Japanese restaurant today.

I don't know if you can see it but I think... the subject is wripping off condom wrapper using her mouth?

Anyway,

Red velvet cupcakes!

These are mini ones.

Rose water cream cheese frosting.

Dear Malaysian friends, its basically bandung flavoured cream cheese frosting :D yep, the saaame syrup.

My frosted mini cupcakes.

And a summary photo of my latest baked goods.

Red velvet cupcake with rose water cream cheese frosting, and,

Mocha macarons (there were some salted caramel in these ones too

because I didn't want to chuck the left overs hehe)

By the way! I bought some disposable piping bags with reusable piping tips (came in the same packet). Yayy.. they weren't even expensive but they make a huge difference on the cupcakes don't they.

Good night~

Food again

2011-11-09T00:32:00.000-08:00

This is what I did with some failed macarons and left over orange chocolate ganache - I squashed them a little and layered them in a ramekin bowl with chocolate between the layers and on top.

Despite how ugly the photo is, it was so goooodd. Kept me going when I was stressed with my assignment!

Yet another ugly photo of something that tasted like fat heaven - the cheesiest omelet ever. Mixed with my eggs were basil pesto, a bit of milk and a bit of chicken stock. When it was almost done, I put shredded cheese and bocconcini (buffalo cheese) on the omelet, then rolled ot as soon as they all melted.

And I made more macarons last night! And they turned out really nice :) and cute!
For some reason, I wasn't thinking when I put pink colouring in... especially when I did mango fillings! duuurrr.. but anhyway.. still turned out nice ya. I put some lime zest in my mango cream too, as you can see.. the little bit of green on the photo.

^^ cooking and baking makes me so happy!

Assignmenting

2011-11-07T19:38:00.000-08:00

First I worry about not having enough detail to write up recommendations.

Then I get frustrated that it takes so God damn long to write them up.

Then after spending so much time planning and writing, I worry that I can't fit all of them in

Then at the end I become thankful that I can't fit all of them in anyway because I'd rather be stuck with having to deal with what I've written than to put in the effort replace those fucking words.

Life of a last minuter :)

Ps. I'm going to fucking bake today!

Successful Macarons!

2011-11-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after trying three times and failing all three times, I finally made a GREAT batch of chocolate macarons!

This is what happened (following a recipe I haven't attempted before. This was different to the green (pineapple-avo) ones, which were also different to the pink (lychee) ones):

The first time, I cracked ALL of them in 2 minutes, they had no feet, and they were under cooked inside. So I thought, OVEN TEMPERATURE must have been too high.

The second time, I lowered the temperature a little and this time followed one advice which was not to rest them (contrary to every other macaron advice) and to cook them straight after piping, and to make sure they bake for about 25 minutes. In the end of that, some cracked (not all), a few developed feet, but they turned out like meringue cookies i.e. they just crumbled when bitten into rather than have the crisp followed by chewiness.

The third time, I used a different recipe, one which I was more familiar with - the one I used to do the lychee ones. I rested them, put the temperature even lower, and placed one baking tray above and one below my macaron tray and cooked for 20 minutes. The end? Same result as the second time, except the center was chewier and less crumbly.

After the third time, I was tempted to bake again. However whilst making the butter cream I got tired, and thought I'd sleep on it and just bake the next day (which was today). While I was in bed, I kept thinking about what I've been doing wrong. I basically fell asleep thinking about macarons.

But I got it - Thinking about the times I made them previously and succeeded, compared to last night.... I HAVEN'T BEEN FOLDING THE BATTER RIGHT. And I remember being very cautious with the folding (aka macaronage) and I even intentionally folded much less compared to normal because I remember reading so much about how easy it was to over fold.

zomggggggggg as soon as I realised this I couldn't wait to wake up the next day and start baking again.

I did exactly that this afternoon (woke up so late because I went to bed at 4 -_-).

I was careful with my macaronage (even tested the consistency), piped the little babies, and laid them out to rest.

TIP* If your piped buttons have nipples when you pipe them, and they won't flatten after tapping the trays against the bench tops, they need more folding!

Up close:

As you can see on the photo, if some of them still show a wittle bitty bit of nipple, it's still good. Just know that you should get worried when they become too runny and flattened way too much way too early.

The result from the right macaronage, the right temperature for 25 minutes and resting:

Cute macarons... with feet and uncracked!! :3 yaayyyyy

And I made salted caramel butter cream fillings, once assembled, they look like this

Yayyy mee!!! They look so cute and taste yummmmooooo B)

Practice does make perfect :)

Failed macarons (again!)

2011-11-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

So far I've been trying to bake macarons using the french meringue method (as opposed to the italian). I baked agan during the weekend, this time I used green colouring on the biscuits and made pineapple-avocado-white-chocolate-ganache filling (recipes from Poh's Kitchen). The things on top are ground szechuan pepper (tried to be artsy fartsy).

And I failed agan!

Anddd.... ALL my macarons cracked :(

ROAR!!!! I WANNA DO THEM AGAIN. I kinda get how guys get motivated when they get rejected by girls now.. hahaha

The next time I try this I'm gonna use the italian meringue method. So this requires the extra step of making sugar syrup, and while hot and at a certain temperature then add them slowly to the egg whites to beat. etc etc etc.

I'm gonna need a kitchen thermometer, but I'm gonna try without one since I've done something similar (while I was doing the pineapple-avocado-white-chocolate-ganache filling).

Anyway, I had heaps of filling left when I made the macarons. SO, I made cupcakes and coloured the leftovers fillings yellow, then filled my cupcakes "butterfly" style.

Gaahhh.. cute right!??! hahahah cupcakes are seriously so much easier to make -_-"

I WILL MASTER YOU MACARONS!

Food projects across the year

2011-10-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

Mind you, some photos are better than others.

At least I'm making the effort right :)

OK, from the oldest to the latest....

Sam and I did this dinner ages ago for some of my family friends. Going clockwise: Top right is my famous sweet potato mash with mustard seeds, next to that, my famous potatoes twice cooked (boiled then baked with pork oil in the oven), Sam's famous slow roasted garlic-lemon-fennel pork shoulder with crispy skin, steak salad with feta cheese, avocado, spinach, grilled capsicum and grilled zucchini, and lastly, Sam's delicious spring chicken.

Passionfruit macarons and mini caramel-filled chocolate cakes (for a friend's surprise birthday) - I didn't make the macarons. A friends did, but eventually I learnt from her how to make them and you'll see my lychee flavoured ones towards the bottom of this post :)

Mmmmm 24-hour cooked steak, thanks to Sam. With grilled eggplant and sweet potato mash again. We just love grilling veggies. hehe.. and we love our mash!

Red velvet cake with orange cream cheese frosting - can't really see the red. Well it wasn't even that red, it was more burgundy coloured. haha.. still yummy though.

Sam and I had a break and stopped doing anything really.. for awhile. And after a long period of not cooking or baking. Sam did something!

He made fresh pasta! He flavoured one batch with chilli flakes and the other with ground pepper. Yummo! and so easy :)

This was the documented mess.

We continued to cook heaps but never took any photos. And they were really good food too.

Anyway, the following are most recent. I went on a macaron craze trying to do it but failed. So to reclaim some pride, I made something I missed eating and made sure that it was EASY and fail proof.

Sticky date pudding! I think I made them at least 3 times. I loooved the recipe I found online. I started putting instant coffee powder the second time on ward and I prefer it that way now :) Those are frozen blueberries in the picture and they go so well with the pudding.

So I finally decided to give macarons a try. 5th time lucky! But I really couldn't have done it without my friend's help and tips... such temperamental biscuits these ones. But so worth it :)

Lychee buttercream macarons! This was using Poh's recipe (yes the 1st runner-up from the first season of AU Master Chef! Google "Poh's kitchen macaron" and you'll find the recipe!)

I was so excited I could make macarons but they were not exactly "crispy" on the outside like macarons should be and a lot of mine stuck to the baking paper. So I made another batch the next day, letting them sit longer before baking, and preheating the oven at a very high heat but bringing it down as soon as I put the macarons in. This time I had yellow colouring on them, and I made salty caramel fillings.

*Sorry, no photo :(*

They turned out crispier - just what I wanted, BUT, most of them still stuck to the pan, and sticking to the pan means they were under cooked. Yet, the shells were starting to brown ever so slightly by the time I took them out. So, my analysis is, the heat is still too high, and I take them out earlier than I should.

Oh yeah, I screwed up the original recipe for the salty caramel too. First, I screwed up the method for mixing the caramel, and I had sugar syrup instead which I didn't know what to do with. I thought, keep, these are great for iced coffees! (lol) the cheap asian in me. Then I tried making the second time, and I screwed it up because I burnt the mixture. The colour actually looked alright. But when I tasted? not alright. BURNT. So I chucked them. Then I ran out of cream. A crucial ingredient to the caramel.

I panicked, then looked over at the sugar syrup. And thought, okay, I'll improvise with this and I did. I threw half the syrup away, but put in more butter and brown sugar (like what I do for the caramel of my sticky date pudding), and tada! Made my salty caramel.

Problem was, I didn't let it cool enough (too excited) and didn't beat/mix it enough (too excited) to make it the right texture to pipe as fillings. I piped anyway. But they couldn't hold shape and dripped everywhere.

AT LEAST, they were very tasty :p

(Ugh.. I wanna master these babies. And this weekend will be my opportunity to try again! muahah)

When I was done with the salty caramel macarons, I had a lot of left over caramel.

What did I do?

Baked sticky date pudding. Why?

Well why waste the caramel!

I bought more cream from the supermarket and started modifying the caramel, baked another sticky date pudding, ate the sticky date pudding (shared), and then...

I had left over caramel.

What did I do with the left over caramel!?

No, I never waste.

I made caramel buttercream for the cupcakes that I made for my brother's birthday!

Here is the prettiest I could do with frosting. By the way, I've been using those freeze plastic bags to pipe all the baked goods. So considering that, I think I did well ya :D

The caramel buttercream was yummo, BUT.... the actual cupcake had the texture of a muffin. They tasted great... even had white chocolate chips in them. But... they were NOT cupcakes. They were frosted muffins. A little sad, and disappointed, and dissatisfied. I started researching like crazy and was excited to try again asap.

I came across Nigella Lawson's recipe and was pretty confident they were the right recipe I was looking for (and they were!). So, without wasting time..... in the same week. I went to try her recipe.

Below are her "royal icing" cupcakes, aka meringue icing cupcakes.

I didn't have icing sugar which she recommended for the icing. So I used caster sugar and stupidly added the same amount as what Nigella would recommend for icing sugar. The "meringue" was gross. So I used my newly developed (and still developing) baking sense to correct it. I set aside half of the grainy and sickly sugary meringue, and beat two more egg whites on a separate bowl. I didn't add more sugar to stiffen the egg whites, instead I added half the failed meringue which I set aside to stiffen them. And TADA. Grainy sickly sugary meringue transformed! See picture above :)

I added yellow colouring because I had a twist to Nigella's recipe.

I added more lemon juice than the recommended amount and some lemon zest for lemon flavoured icing!

Then I had left over icing because I used extra egg whites to correct my meringue.

Again, I didn't wanna waste them. So I added MORE zest to the meringue, MORE lemon, and more sugar to stiffen it even more... and baked mini lemon pavlovas! and had them with mangoes and mango sorbet ^^ (yum!)

Then.....

Unlike Nigella's icing, the icing on my cupcakes never formed a thin crust. Maybe because it had different ingredients? I was unhappy with how soft it remained so I chucked my cupcakes in the fridge the next day to see if they would harden in a few hours.

They didn't.

Still unhappy... and MORE unhappy because my cupcakes were not cold and dense. I started thinking how I might improve them. Then, I thought about what I did with the leftover meringue the last night.

!!!!

I decided to add another twist to Nigella's cupcakes. And baked them in the oven for a few minutes to make PAVLOVA CUPCAKES!

I even added some white chocolate chips to decorate them.

Tada! Cold/hard cupcake with overly soft meringue icing turned hot pavlova cupcake with white chocolate chips! The pavlova top was just the way I wanted it to be.. crispy crust outside, marshmallowy inside.

This was only yesterday. But I was so happy I made cupcakes with the right texture, I wanted to make them again but wanted a different look and frosting.

So........ tonight, I attempted by first multi-coloured cupcakes!

Too much blue colouring fell in one of my batter :( so the purple bits weren't that nice looking. (All my cupcakes were topped with purple)

At least my piping is improving :D

And the insides. The pink and orange parts were too similar.. so they looked like one colour :( The frosting recipe was also Nigella's. But I added a shot of coffee because I wanted mocha flavoured frosting. In the end, even though they looked odd..... they tasted yum ^^!

Gosh this post took longer than I expected!

Anyway.... I'm gonna bake again very soon I can guarantee that.

Heheee good night!

So cool!

2011-10-16T04:20:00.000-07:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/sep/24/twins-black-white?fb_source=home_multiline&fb_action_types=news.reads&fb_action_ids=10150421974147216&fb_ref=U-vusOD9DK9sxf4EwgIgoiyd-CFCONX01FRS-323vxXXX

It's an article about a pair of teenage twins (boys) - one is white while the other is black. One is gay, the other straight. One likes to study and the other doesn't.

Have a read :)

Ps. whoever thinks Australia isn't racist can eat their own shit.

xoxo!

Quickie

2011-10-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

I have been MIA lately but here's what has happened over the past few weeks.

I've been eating like a pig. Either encouraged by stress or just simply being a food enthusiast, or both, not to mention having a foodie boyfriend as well. Definitely all the above. We've been going out to eat and cooking for people. Unfortunately I'm not a blog enthusiast so I never took any photos to share! heh :p

Obviously, from going out for meals and cooking for others too often... my bank account is also becoming anorexic. Sigh...... what is silly though, is that I just spent money by shopping online (I bought 3 dresses). I can't help it. When I work under stress, I look for ways to reward myself for working so hard! If I don't cook or bake I turn to retail therapy. How?

Now, I'm not gonna describe how much work I have done, just know that I've been stressing over it (hence the money spending and eating). What's worse is because of so much HOMEwork, I don't get to do REAL WORK much at all! I don't like not earning money... especially when I'm still spending money! But if I work, I don't get homework done :( And if I don't get homework done, I fail! If I fail, my parents have to spend more money on me! D:

Oh and you know what else has taken over since I've been working on my assignments? MY ACNE. HOMGAH. The acne on my face is like a Dalmatian's pattern :( Its horrible because I'm a chronic picker. And I pick the most when I'm stressed.. which means my skin never gets a chance to heal and instead the picking makes my already stressed pimples even stressed.

ON a different note, what's been keeping me going is the end of year. My holidays are eventful! Here's how the schedule from December onwards:

1st - Hen's night in SG!
3rd - Wedding ceremony!
4th - Wedding reception!
5th - 15th KK!
16th - 15th Jan Vancouver! (And while in Vancouver, ski trip in Whistler for 2 weeks!)

And back in KK!

See? all the reason to stay positive. I feel better already :)

And I feel better about buying dresses online too? I can wear all of them in this holiday! hehe!

Here are the links to the dresses I bought (I can't save their pictures :c)

http://www.lucyinthesky.com.au/shop/laws-of-infatuation-dress

http://www.lucyinthesky.com.au/shop/fantasy-feeling-party-dress-in-sherbet

http://www.lucyinthesky.com.au/shop/a-moment-or-two-dress

:D :D :D :D I can't wait to get my hands on them!

Preciousness

2011-09-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

No doubt, I have been stressing for the past few weeks. I felt a little better though when my parents were here. Now its back to reality. Instead of doing my work, I worry about them. I get stressed about assignments before I even start them, and when I stress about assignments I stress about my future. How likely is it that, by failing this one assignment, my chances of getting a decent job is lowered? How likely is it that, by the time I'm finished with my course, I actually even have a full-time job?

I used to believe it doesn't matter what I do in the future, as long as I'm happy doing it and that it pays enough for me to live a comfortable life. I'd picture a healthy family in a modest home, a pet or two, not worrying about bills, or education for my children. In saying that, I'm not talking about the kind of "comfortable" that allows luxury cars or annual around-the-world trips... I don't need and want that much. Yet (the big yet), the more I think about it, the more I've come to realise that comfortable still.. means.. money.

So I'd think to myself, is comfortable too much, anyway?

The first drive home after I purchased the VW, it hit me, how lucky and fortunate I was to be in that position. I thought, there are so many people in the world, millions, in hunger, in poverty, in dirt, in shelter homes... many of those, have never even been/sat in a car, let alone own one. No one they knew, none of their friends or their families, ever able to afford even a taxi.

I worry about disappointing my parents and leaching off them as an adult, yet I have all the reasons in the world, NOT to.

Within the last few days I had heard 2 devastating news. The first is, one of my brother's high school friends was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And second, a terrible car accident in the city where a 20yr girl, who was drink driving, and having fun with speeding, lost control with her car and resulted her killing one of her friends. Due to the impact, the poor girl (who wasn't wearing her seat belt) was thrown through the windows. And died on the scene.

Just imagine, knowing you haven't much time to live, or, you have killed a best friend just for a moment of reckless fun? It hurts. And it hurts to be on the other side too, to know your son haven't much time to live, or to know you've lost a daughter whom you had dreamed about one day taking care of you on your last days.

Life is so precious. You've heard it time and time again... we all have. And we still tend to forget about it.

I have been counting my blessings. Although it doesn't completely remove my stresses, I am a lot more appreciative that I have the kind of stresses I have now and nothing more, and most importantly that I still have my loved ones in my life. These relationships are what makes everything else irrelevant. And I do try to remind myself every day.

C:

Because of them, I know I'll be alright.

IT REALLY IS because of them, that my imperfect life feels most perfect, uncertainties and all.

God bless everyone............ even those who don't believe!

Toodles from the Ngoodles.

Russell Brand's perspective on the recent riots

2011-08-13T01:06:00.000-07:00

It was a really really good post guys. Click here and have a read :) He writes so well I hate it and love it at the same time.

Business

2011-08-05T01:45:00.000-07:00

Father: I want u to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: No!

Father: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.

Son: Then, ok....

*Father goes to Bill Gates......

Father: I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates: No!

Father: My son is the CEO of the World Bank

Bill Gates: Then, ok....

*Father goes to the President of the World Bank...

Father: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.

President: No!

Father: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.

President: Then ok!

Loldermort!

Uni's back on

2011-08-02T01:11:00.000-07:00

And stress is also back on D:

I get so tense just reading my unit outlines. There is so much to do... for all four subjects. Its just the first week and already I find everything hard to digest.

And since I haven't bought any of the prescribed textbooks, I have lots to do during the weekend. Readings for this week AND next week. And apparently I have a test as well next Wednesday.

What the fuck is this?!

X-Men: First Class

2011-06-02T09:24:00.000-07:00

Fucking 5 stars!

I don't even remember the last movie I favourited. I just know, before tonight, I didn't have a favourite movie for a LONG LONG time and X-men: First Class definitely solved that problem.

Current favourite movie of all time... and bloody movie OF THE YEAR hands down. Yeah yeah, it is still only beginning of June, I reckon it'll be hard for ANY movie to beat it though!

:D

ZOMGFUCKINGLOVEDX-MENICAN'TGETOVERIT!

"Someday, someone will come along, and you'll be thanking God none of your other relationships worked."

2011-05-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

Why do people hold grudges against their exes... I don't know. Let me just tell you... I myself am not perfect. No one can be at peace 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. At one point about a year ago, I was very sure I didn't want to hold a grudge against a certain ex. I made a choice and that choice was to accept the past without resentment. I managed to follow through, I managed not to grit my teeth every time my ex's name was mentioned.

And then tonight happened. I felt my teeth grit, my blood boil and my head steam. It's the best example of :):.

The :) part was me patting myself on the back, because I was right. I was fucking right the whole time. Something was not right about our relationship but I never had cold hard evidence. I was even half hoping for evidence so that I could make the decision quickly. The decision to stay with this guy or leave. Obviously, I noticed soon enough... that looking for a problem to leave the guy, is a pretty strong indication itself of a relationship not worth being part of. So, with little evidence, I broke up with the guy anyway. I didn't mourn over the relationship. I didn't miss him. I only started resenting him when I found out he moved on instantly. With a lot of people. I resented him SO much, because to me, this, was my evidence. Him moving on so quickly, was my evidence. I felt that I invested way more than he did emotionally, only now I had evidence. I felt that he was never mine, only now I had evidence. I was right the whole time. My gut was right the whole time. And I've always took pride for doing what I did, that was to break up before things became worse.

The ): part... really.. it comes and goes. And for the longest time I thought it went for good. I guess, tonight showed that its still there. I've only just successfully hid it at the back of my mind for a while, and it came out to play. The ): part is me feeling absolute hatred for this guy. I just want to punch his face. Or throw kettle bells at it or something. And this, just because I hear about him hitting on new colleagues and hooking up with them. IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY! but also depressed.. and embarrassed...... because it happened to me. I was played like a fool. And I thought I was so smart. I know we live and we learn, but this is a little different because I broke up with him without knowing any of this anyway. Now that I do, just feels like a huge slap on my face. The things is, its not his fault for being the kind of person that he is. I still fucking hate him for being that way, but I know wouldn't hate him this much if I hadn't disappointed myself this much.

Whats worse.. its pointless to even hold the resentment. But you know what? I think it's bloody okay. We're human. And its human to feel this way. It may not be productive, but I think its realistic. Instead of trying to fight against my natural emotions, I will.... let myself be. And boil over it, then get over it. Its just a matter of time. and age.. I guess. Whatever.

In the meantime, you have no idea how much this quote means to me right now.

"Someday, someone will come along, and you'll be thanking God none of your other relationships worked."

This quote really soften all the blows. And it does mean a lot to me in the sense that, I wouldn't appreciate the relationship I have with Sam as much as I do now, if my previous relationship (and what came after it) didn't happen. He is such a star in this silly haze.

I told him he's Professor X (X-men) and Jason Statham (Transporter) put in one. The perfect combination of class/suave and rustic. Of sharp and edgy. Of nerdy and sporty. Of calm and explosive etc etc

Isn't he Professor X and Jason Statham in one body?????

:)

:p

I wanna watch this with the gufwens!

2011-05-30T00:55:00.000-07:00

Food

2011-05-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Yeaahhh... quality of the xperia. The food were actually yummerzzzz, the photo didn't do it justice :)

We're cooking tomorrow!

2011-05-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

Sam and I are having Cass, Marius, Clare, Joel and Gabe over for dinner tomorrow night :D

The menu:

For mains (same time with entree)

Peppered steak on salad leaves

with grilled capsicum, avocado, purple onions

and zucchini topped... with some feta.

Crispy skinned pork belly (roasted all day)

with lemon, fennel and garlic seasoning

Spring roast chicken... Sam's style

(i.e. I don't know exactly what goes on there,

I just know its super delicious)

and

Sweet potato mash with honey mustard seeds

For dessert

I forgot what it's called

but its a custard dessert that Gabe will be making in Sam's kitchen :D

Happy joy joy only food completes my life! (literally)

Lets hope I remember to take photos :)

For the person who told me to update something more interesting

2011-05-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

Break ups are hard. One always feels worse than the other and when its time to finally let go, parts of us still remain scarred. We carry the hurt and we find ways to learn and grow with the hurt for future relationships to come. Sometimes the hurt brings more trouble, in the sense that one experience brought too much heartache you try to avoid making the same mistake in the next one, and because it hurt so much you try extra hard to stop it but end up neglecting other important aspects of a relationship.

Well, humans aren't like vampires. We don't have a switch for pain or feelings that we can turn on and off. We can only find new ways to get by. I can't promise the day will come when you finally stopped wondering about your previous half. I can't promise that he will never come back to you either. For as long as he remained the most interesting thing to think about, you will keep thinking about him. Regardless how much you've accepted that things are over.

The thing is, the best part is yet to come. That thing about, always hoping when you receive a text it is from that one person, about, always hoping a missed call was from the same person... one day someone will surprise you, about how long that "bliss" can last. I'm not talking about break ups anymore. I'm talking about meeting someone, who after 15 months of dating you're still hoping that whatever call or text you have on your phone is from that person. I never imagined this possible... but it really is one of the sweetest surprises of life.

Imagine the magnitude of feeling shitty, turned around to the same magnitude but feeling so excited. And the fact that its a feeling of excitement just makes it so much more empowering. I've said the things about time healing the wounds, and letting yourself feel emo to fully let things out, I've mentioned to imagine happiness without being dependent, and also things like being honest to yourself... what you truly want and be responsible about achieving them. Now I'm asking, imagine happiness while you're with someone, someone that you don't know yet, keep the image blurry. Someone who shares the same humor with you, the same temperament, someone who inspires you to be better than yourself without losing the slightest bit of who you truly are. And imagine that even after years of knowing each other, an unexpected text from that particular human being, still without fail lights up your day.

Just imagine. I'm not asking anyone to fantasize. Just to imagine.

And I can tell you with so much certainty, that one day, someone will surprise you with these delights and even more. I don't know what else to say, except be excited. Sure moments are dull right now, but you have no idea what's in store for you. Instead of looking at it with gloom, why not try think of it as something you should be excited about? Till that day of surprises comes, don't over-think the situation, instead, just know at the back of your mind that it will come soon enough.

:)

I have finally have a positive update

2011-05-02T10:55:00.001-07:00

Sam is coming to KK with me later mid year :D

SHOOO EXCITED.

That's 2 months away!

heheheheheheheeh

Ok back to work.

After all that crap

2011-04-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

I've decided to change my essay topic. To my surprise, I wasn't struggling as bad. Still, I have only just written my introduction. I don't know why I waited till now to change the topic.

All that time before - wasted. Seriously. Kill me.

And I forgot I also have a 2-page summary to hand in, on top of the 2 different essays due.

How the hell did I end up this way?

Blocked

2011-04-30T03:52:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I wasted so much time this week.

I have two essays due next week. I have ZERO words down. I am freaking out. I keep writing up plans and skeletons to help me start but I keep getting blocked. Everything I think about ends up being backed by "buts" and "why" and "I don't know"!

I feel a bit helpless.

And here she is!

2011-04-29T11:47:00.001-07:00

Aunty Flow has arrived.

I'm hardly the negative kind

2011-04-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

But tonight I have the urge to erase a huge chunk of my Facebook friends list.

I think I will do it. What's the point if people don't recognise me on the streets right :)

*Edit: About 200 off my list.

O.O

2011-04-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

Who will I be.

What will I be.

Who will be with me.

Will the things important to me today, be just as important a year from now?

Part of me wants to strive for everything, because I know I deserve everything.

Yet, another part of me tries to keep me grounded and to pace myself, because I know "everything" never means everything.

I just don't want to lose myself in the midst of fighting. I like to absorb and count all the blessings that I have. The thing about reality, is that it's a reality of your own. Its good and bad. One day, this reality tells you, nothing should ever cause you to worry, it makes sense, the world is for us to live. So we should live. A different day, another reality shows that, you have to worry. If you don't worry, you'll never be pushed to explore your capacities.

Where is the line?

I am witnessing how rapidly things are changing, how the world never stops spinning, how everyone around me is developing, I can almost picture how the future of others will turn out... just not mine. I don't want a lot for my future. Basically, I don't care what it is I end up doing, I just want to be happy and content. My loved ones for ever present in all the precious moments of my life.

I don't want a lot for my future. But, could that still be too much?

:/

My period is coming, I've been listening to Alicia Keys, my boyfriend's not in town, my parents are hours away and my best friends are not online...

I couldn't help myself but ponder.

Started reading Xanga blogs again

2011-04-26T01:35:00.000-07:00

Interesting stuff! I actually forgot how great Xanga's developed. Normally, one of my favourite sections of chick mags are the relationships or confessions and embarassing stories, Xanga has communities of blogs dedicated to each of them! And their homepage shows featured blogs and most viewed etc. Really easy to filter out what you actually rather read about.

I think I found another website I can waste my time to during work :D

I came across this blog 5 minutes ago. As you can tell from the link, its a blog where people anonymously write their secrets to that eventually will be published for everyone to see. We all love secrets, don't we!

http://confessionsandsecrets.xanga.com/746462331/secrets-xii/

That was an interesting post. Have to say, some were very sad :/ but hmm.. makes u wonder as well, if you ever find out whether something like those things happened to you.

:)

I is a happy camper

2011-04-22T00:22:00.000-07:00

I've completed my essay~ I worked hard, but I'm not sure if I worked smart :/

I think I did a good job. Normally I never bother to check anything after I've finished, but I checked and checked and edited and checked and edited this time. I really want to do well, but I just don't know what to expect! I'm scared :c I put in so much effort and I'm scared my results are gonna come out shit anyway. I've been very committed this semester, and I can bear to see all that goes to waste when I have an average mark.

Hmmph.

And Sam is awayyyyyyyyy. He's in KL now.

I want him home :(

Actually, we spoke about going to KK mid year. It doesn't matter really if he's unable to make it. I WANT to go back and see my family. It will be a bonus if he makes it too :) Sam says he wants to go fishing. hahaha.. I'm sure Papa can organise something for us. I've only ever went on a fishing trip once. And I only caught one fish. This was in Pulau Tiga.

I wanna take Sam to the mud volcano!

-

I just went out to the kitchen and Rett's watching this film about the guy whose arm got caught between the rocks and after days being stuck, he broke his bones and cut off his arm to free himself! You've heard of the story???? The movie is gruesome!!! I came out just in time to see him snipping his nerves off and screaming in pain!!! I'm traumatised D':

Who You Are

2011-04-21T01:36:00.000-07:00

I stare at my reflection in the mirror...

Why am I doing this to myself?

Losing my mind on a tiny error,

I nearly left the real me on the shelf ...

"no,no, no, no..."

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay...

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are

(Who you are)x11

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?

I forgot what to do to fit the mould , yeah!

The more I try the less it's working yeah yeah yeah

Cause everything inside me screams, "no,no,no,no..."

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no, egos

Fake shows like woah

Just go, and leave me alone

Real talk real life

Good love goodnight

With a smile that's my home

That's my home

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are

Who you are

Dehydrated skin

2011-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

My skin is so dry, I wish I could sleep in a bath tub filled with milky moisturiser!

I've always wanted to try this :(

Thinspiration

2011-03-28T11:12:00.001-07:00

I'm back in that world where every calorie counts and healthy eating rules.

Didn't really have any thinspiration. My body just spoke to me: it's time, Inessa.

Pants are tight and shorts feel uncomfortable! GRRR.

This is how smart people deal with stupid people

2011-03-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

Education.

Note that Tim said after his Mexican friends started hanging out with him, he was seen as Tim to them, and no longer a Cino or Cilito(?). And before he educated them, they weren't ever aware that China was part of Asia or that "Asia" wasn't actually a country. Ignorance will continue unless the ignorant learns from the educated. Sometimes the ignorant can learn just simply by being engrossed in a culture. I dated a guy who actually thought Asian people looked the way they do because of a nuclear mutation. He wasn't even trying to be mean. He was puzzled by our unique looks and was curious by it. But it's still shocking isn't it? Nuclear mutation wtf. hahahah After I told him that we have eyes shaped as such due to evolution, and that they protected us from the dry, windy and sandy deserts back in the days, he was very surprised, but really happy to have learnt the new fact.

So what happens when someone ignorant is unwilling to learn about others, doesn't give a shit about others and continuously publicly disses others? Like Angeline Marri Austen? My guess is that she doesn't actually have true Malaysian / local friends. My guess is that she is in an international school or is living and only hanging out with international people who are very ignorant and obnoxious. If she actually gets off her high horse and interact with the locals she will have a different perspective. I would even argue that, she's not even at the same maturity level as those challenging her. She just didn't seem to grasp what others were trying to say. Its like, instead of understand others were trying to help her not be so offensive or judgmental, she thought others were trying to challenge/attack her. From her Facebook page she looked like a child. Then she claimed to be a law student. But judging by the way she was arguing with others, she made no sense and had no structure to her arguments at all. She is a child. But age can't be an excuse. I know children younger than her who are more mature and intelligent and most importantly humble.

The thing is, the more I write about this girl, the more angry I get because no one should be excused for such offensive and ignorant words. Then the more angry I get the more I think about how young and immature she is, that, I find I am wasting my time trying to talk about it. I can only hope age could teach her something or two about manners.... and fucking intelligence.

Ugh. I'm really glad I came across Tim's video though. A lot of people can't understand how people can get so ignorant. But then again, just because someone is ignorant doesn't mean they should easily be excused. Right? But what can we do? Except for hope that they grow up soon? I said this to JJ, guess I'll say it again, karma will be fair.

Karma... please get her good kthnxbye :)

Personal

2011-03-15T10:09:00.001-07:00

My mother once told me, “You don’t have to tell your lover everything about you”. When she said this, she kept it general. It has many meanings to me, but I never really asked her about it. I took it for what it was, and used it whenever I found it useful. I remember a different day, my mother mentioned how she never asked about my father’s sexual history, and how he respectfully, never asked about hers. They were both just aware that... there WERE histories. So, I took her previous advice to this context, same advice you see on every magazine, men’s and women’s – don’t talk about the exes.

I have my curious days, and I have my uncurious days. Sometimes I know how to censor them, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I was glad I asked about some things, and sometimes, I regretted it. There are a few things I regretted doing last night and today. People say you regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did. Looking back now, that was so untrue for me.

I broke a lot of personal rules. In exactly the following order:

1. I didn’t follow the magazines’ advice – I asked about a sexual history.

Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t occur to me what kind of information I was actually asking for. In all honesty, there wasn’t much. But that lead to me breaking the following personal rule,

2. I took a comment personally.

You know you took a comment personally when you continue to think about it for more than a minute. I’m not sure how I felt, I still am not, and I struggle to explain how I felt, but I felt something. Something I feel so uncertain about that I continued to wonder what that was. This is me having a curious day. Combined with a period day. Maybe this was why I took things personally? Who knows, something was triggered in me, and I wanted to know what, and why. As usual, I kept to myself. This was me, trying to understand myself. If it was anger I was experiencing, I wanted to know to calm myself. If it was jealousy I was experiencing, I wanted to know to rationalise. If it was sadness that I was experiencing, I wanted to know to soothe myself. Because the biggest point of it all, was that the comment meant nothing to me. I know if I made a similar comment to Sam he wouldn’t even think twice about it. But me being the ex-psych student, I wanted to know why.

It must be the period right? I don’t know. I don’t wanna use my period as an excuse. It’s so lame. Like I said though, it’s a feeling I just don’t know how to express. Maybe the best word is Weird. Sam uses the word. It’s like when Sam’s dad’s friend got all Weird and stops in a conversation just to compliment me (few days ago). The friend didn’t mean any harm. Sam didn’t feel angry. But it just felt Weird. Even for me. It wasn’t even inappropriate. It was just Weird. And after last night’s comment I felt Weird and I wanted to know why. It’s so silly to take things personally. I want to be able to tell myself stop feeling Weird because it’s silly. Then that’s where I struggle, I don’t know how to stop feeling Weird when I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Then, I didn’t follow my mother’s advice, and

3. I told my lover everything.

To me, mom’s advice about “You don’t have to tell your lover everything about you” actually comes to play for this context. I usually deal with my issues alone. Personal issues. These are the issues I rather not discuss with others. These are personal weaknesses and battles that I rather fight and win alone. I confide in people about other things, like when I get frustrated with my relationship with my brother or mother or friends, my insecurities about the future, my health and the like – the nonpersonal issues. I have learnt this, also through past experience, that my individual self doesn’t benefit from revealing personal issues to another person. No matter how close that person is to me. I did that once, and all it ever resulted was me feeling even more vulnerable, even more scared, and a lot more insecure. But, that was because the ex was incapable of heart to heart communication anyway. Could just be his way of being him, but I learnt through him, that my way of being me, was to deal with my own personal issues alone. Other people may be the complete opposite. Many are very comfortable revealing the deepest darkest issues, and for some, talking about it to someone else really helps. But this is a self-realisation about myself, that I am not one of those people who benefit exposing my issues, and I function best working on them by myself. Maybe in this sense, I am my mother’s daughter. I know she keeps a lot to herself. But to me, that made her the strongest person I know, emotionally. At one point in my life, I thought that keeping to yourself was very oppressive and unhealthy. Sometimes I still believe that, which was why I didn’t follow my mother’s advice TODAY, and spoke to Sam about how I felt.

Sam inspires me to do a lot of things. More importantly Sam inspires me to challenge myself and one of the ways to challenge myself was to take risks. Sam always spoke about being honest with him, and how he really appreciates open communication. When he asked me tonight, what was I thinking about, I thought I could owe it to him to be honest and to take the risk, by telling him everything.

It didn’t turn out as well as it should. For one, I didn’t even know what I was trying to say. But I kept trying. The more I tried the more I wished I didn’t say anything. The more I explained myself, the more I was digging my own hole. He didn’t understand. And I understood that he didn’t understand. He wanted to. And I really am so thankful he wanted to understand and he tried. But he couldn’t.

In the end, what WAS there to say? I couldn’t even explain it. All I know is, the comment meant nothing and that I shouldn’t have dwelled on it like I did.

Sam felt a little uncomfortable that I kept all of this in my mind, and for that long. I dug another hole yet again by trying to explain. I can’t remember what I said to him, but I wanted to let him know that, this whole thing was just a stupid personal battle. I’ve never been so in love in my life, or have ever felt protective of such an amazing and honest relationship, that, I guess I try so hard to never be obsessive or overly sensitive, which happened the last time I was in love. I am naturally easy going. For many reasons I didn’t find my ex to be a very good boyfriend and indirectly this made me a person I couldn’t stand – the obsessive overly sensitive. The fact that I was very aware of who I was becoming, prolly is a huge factor of why I like to be in-tuned to my personal feelings and issues. I like that I could see what was happening to me, and I was able to end the relationship knowing it wasn’t good for me. I guess, that isn’t just a strength, it is also a weakness, to always wanting to be in-tuned to my own inner dialogues. When I am quiet, not every time but most times, this is what I do, I reflect on my emotions. It’s just who I am.

I hated the way my conversation with Sam continued/ended. I was a wreck. My mind was all over the place. I couldn’t express myself and this bothered me badly because I really did want Sam to know this part of me. I just really had no clue where to start and how. Now that I’ve written everything down, not only does it feel like a burden have been lifted, I am more sure of myself than I’d ever been. You know what’s the silliest thing? I’m not even bothered by the comment anymore. I was actually WAY MORE bothered by not being able to explain and express myself to Sam. This post alone took me hours to write up. But it cleared a lot of air to me. It doesn’t matter now what I felt when I heard the comment, I’m just so fucking glad I could leave the feeling as “unknown” and move on. I stay very true to my personal rules, but I believe in growth. I will continue to keep some issues to myself, but, I’m also going to continue to challenge myself. So…. Here’s my big step, I’m going get Sam to read this!

Rereading this all over, let me rephrase about regretting what I did. I don’t regret it anymore : ) if my conversation with Sam didn’t happen, I would never have come to move on this quickly. Mannnn… : ) *phew

Worst Nightmare

2011-03-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

Ever.

I dreamt that I was being chased by some gang who for some reason enjoyed torturing people for the heck of it.

I kept running and running. Then, I'd been shot by thin arrows from the back. I felt the pain. (I thought you don't feel pain during dreams??) I've never felt so scared of something or someone in my entire life. I knew they were going to do something to me. I was panicking as I ran up a bushy hill. I started getting weak and losing consciousness, from being tired and injured, but as I start passing out, I heard the barbarians getting closer, laughing.

Upon gaining consciousness, I found myself tied to a chair and in front of me, were pictures of dead people. The barbarians were laughing and pointing at the pictures indicating I was next. I was crying, shouting, screaming for help, but it felt like I was in some trailer at some secluded desert. The photographs were horrific. Do you know what embroideries are?

They're that kind of stitching, where its particularly thick and its makes that protruding effect.

The dead bodies on the photographs had embroideries stitched on to their backs. And with not just normal thread, but thick metal thread like

I know right?!!?!? What the hell!

I was so so scared. They pushed my head to look at the photos even closer, pointing at them, and laughing again. I kept screaming "HELP!" till my throat hurt. Finally, I woke up from my sleep.. as I woke up I heard my self trying to yell out help though it sounded like a soft cry.

I was still scared when I woke up :(

2 nights ago I saw a few minutes of a psycho thriller movie. But those few minutes scared me enough. It was about a hitchhiker with psycho/killer tendencies. I think the cruelness of my dream may have came from that... like the psychoness of embroidering human backs with metal thread. But how that came from........... it popped up in my head yesterday, that it could be because of my anxiety and nervousness about starting uni again. I've read the unit outlines and my God, masters' nothing like bachelors'! So much shit to do. I was really really nervous about where I would stand in class. I wondered whether I'd be the only clueless one about HR or will there be others like me. Would I be the only quiet one when the lecturer asks the class something? Will it look obvious? Then there were readings we were supposed to have done prior to the first classes. And then there were textbooks I haven't bought. Emails I haven't checked.

Maybe I was wishing to run away because I felt that masters was going to be such. a. torture. I don't know! I just know the dream was fucking scary. And I was pretty fucking scared of being in my first class in a different university.

Well. I had my first Globalisation and Industrial Change class today. I was most worried about this one. I'm happy to say, I enjoyed that class a lot. I loved listening to the lecturer. Aside from being really engaging and having a brilliant mind, he literally sounds like an older Stewie. Stewie from Family Guy.

He's probably gay who knows... he just has that bit of flare about him.

And I didn't feel that stupid in class :D There were in fact a number of people from a psych background who didn't know a single thing about Globalisation.

I at least, know a tiny bit :)

Masters is an opportunity for me to start afresh. My bachelor grades were so borderline. And they were because I really didn't put in as much effort as I should have. I believe the marks I got were fair. This time, I'm going to aim high from the beginning. I won't be lazy. I will do my weekly homework. I will participate in class. And I will do well. I have a blank canvas...... and I want to put fucking flying colours on that shit. I've always settled for a pass and theres nothing wrong with a pass. I wanted I guess, the passes. I never aimed for the moon so that I could fall on the stars, I aimed for the clouds so that I could.. kill birds. And I've always tried... to kill two birds.. with one stone. That was exactly how I operated. How lazy I was. Using a shortcut whenever possible. Well this time would be different.

No more shortcuts.

History loves repeating itself

2011-01-21T02:54:00.000-08:00

I don't understand.

Starting to see results now!

2010-12-24T16:25:00.001-08:00

I'm so proud of myself :D

I've been dieting and exercising for a week and boy.. I can see the difference already.

Cellulite's almost completely gone, tummy looking more shapely and more toned. I can't seem to grab as much "muffin" as before. My shoulders! looking angular again.

Best part is.... my chin's been up higher too :)

I used to exercise a lot harder than this but never saw as much results.

I think I know why. It's all the vegetables I've been eating! On my holidays back in Malaysia, I never do the groceries. So even if I wanted to change my diet, it was out of my control. I still ate highly processed foods, meats and carbs. I'd try to cut down portions but still.. this is the biggest physical change I've seen in such a short period of time. It's definitely the vegetables!

Also... what I did..

This year (summer anyway), I'm making sure there are no carbohydrates in my dinners. BUT, I can eat whatever I want for my breakfast and lunch. Breakfast the largest meal and lunch smaller. I've been munching on vegetables as snacks (Refer to previous post about brussells sprouts).

I'm allowed a dessert if I want, but it was to be in the early afternoon. No later than 4pm.

I've been taking fibre supplements to help cleanse out the toxins in my body (I think that also complimented the vegetables and training).

Ginger and garlic in my food.

No oil. Steamed microwaved or roasted.

And, I just recently starting taking honey and cinnamon before going to bed and first thing in the morning.

Apparently it helps? (I just started this 2 days ago so I don't think any of the changes were due to honey + cinnamon)

I'm gonna keep looking for changes sooo we'll see!

By the way, kg wise, in the number sense, there is not much difference. Maybe 1 or 0.5?

But shape of the body, definitely. Which was what I was aiming for anyway. Numbers don't mean anything if you still look flabby!

I'm gonna go for Christmas on the Beach with Sam's grandma and auntie now. Merry Christmas people!

Bye

ZOMG

2010-12-24T00:43:00.000-08:00

I ate too much brussels sprouts :s

I'm.

SOOOO FULL!

Looking on the bright side

2010-12-22T05:15:00.000-08:00

My focus on missing Sam should stop!

So here's what I've been forcing myself to think to keep myself smiling:

I passed my thesis
Canadian Visa application's been approved
I've been working out
I've been watching my diet
I'm getting a new car (a nice one - T. Yaris)
Note* NEW. Not used.
I'm on holiday
I've been working on my holiday (which I like, because I love earning moolah)
I've been getting night shifts - even though I earn money by doing nothing for the last 5 hours of the shift, I'm starting to think I prefer day shift more because I have more to do and time always pass faster when things are happening. Day shift starts at 0615am though, so well, at least, I get to sleep in with night shifts.
I'll be visiting some uncles and aunties on Christmas day. Not too far away from family after all :)
My brother, Rett got me a Chrissy present (pleasantly surprised when I found out)
I received my birthday present from JJ - a beautiful DKNY wallet :)
I'm getting my last cervical cancer vaccination tomorrow, meaning, no more needles after tomorrow!

:) bye

:(((

2010-12-19T22:00:00.001-08:00

It's 2.00pm and my mark STILL isn't out yet!!

:((

2010-12-19T08:13:00.000-08:00

It's 12.15am and my mark isn't out yet :(

:(

2010-12-19T06:50:00.000-08:00

Time passes so slowly when Sam is away.

I miss him.

And apparently my thesis mark comes out tomorrow. I don't know if it will be out by 12am or 5pm, or if my lecturer was even telling the truth.

I hate this waiting game! :(

Drool worthy

2010-12-16T19:21:00.000-08:00

Sammy was a happy happy boy :D

Which made me even happier :)

New found love

2010-12-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

Mango and ice-cream!

...mmmmm...... :)

Stressed

2010-11-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

My mom is stressed because she's been organising everything for the Canadian visa application.

My brother is stressed because he recently started a full time job (while studying full time as well).

And me?

I'm stressed too. Every one I know (except for 2 of my group mates) is through with uni. Some for the year, some forever. But here I am, NOT through with uni because of my thesis. Yet, I'm blogging at 10.30 am while having toast before I pick some friends up and go for this slimming treatment thing in the city. Free of course, why would we go if it wasn't?

Don't get me wrong. I have been productive. So far every time I start something, I'll be "wired".. until the task is finished, even if this takes me 6 hours. Then, I could move on either to rest, or to start another task immediately. Moving on to another task is always easy when you were "wired" just before. It's always starting the first task of the day that is hard. Or starting a task after resting. While starting, once I get my first sub-task rolling, the "wiring" comes automatically and the snowball gets other tasks done.

Then...... what am I doing blogging instead of getting tasks done?????

I guess this can be considered one of my resting periods. The slimming treatment was planned long before. I can't pull out. My friend's future as a beauty and massage therapist depends on this. The future of getting paid $45 an hour working in at an isolated resort. If I bail, who will be her mock client for her assessment?

Look at the time. Half an hour's gone already! I was looking up cheesecake recipes. When I have no money for retail therapy, I'm happy knowing there is always cooking therapy :) And.. I should go.

Bye.

Done with exams FOR GOOD

2010-11-17T04:44:00.001-08:00

mafakaaaaaaaaaa

Trey Songz ft Drake, J-Reyez "She Just Wanna Dance"

2010-11-10T05:13:00.000-08:00

I don't see the problem

If she wanna party

Put on sexy clothes and

Go and move her body

Shorty my shorty

She do what she please

Nigga please, she's comin home to me

Cause she just wanna...

Guys want you and girls want me but what can we do

If I just keep it honest promise you will be too

You told me that everything I'm doings brand new

I watch you gettin dressed and just appreciate the view

They ask why I let her go out alone

I say I don't feel no pressure cause I know shes comin' home,

And my dick is home so shes always tryna house it

Anything she puts on her body's the perfect outfit

I don't see the problem

If she wanna party

Put on sexy clothes and

Go and move her body

Shorty, my shorty

She do what she please

Nigga please,

Shes comin home to me

Cause she just wanna dance

She just wanna dance

Body mesmerize

They can fantasize

But when shes comin home

Shes givin me the rise

She just wanna

I don't see the problem

If she wanna party

Put on sexy clothes and

Go and move her body

Shorty, my shorty

She do what she please

Nigga please,

Shes comin home to me

Cause she just wanna dance

She just wanna dance

Body mesmerize

They can fantasize

But when shes comin home

Shes givin me the rise

She just wanna

I don't see the problem

If she wanna party

Put on sexy clothes and

Go and move her body

Shorty my shorty

She do what she please

Nigga please, she's comin home to me

Cause she just wanna

I don't see the problem

If she wanna party

Put on sexy clothes and

Go and move her body

Shorty, my shorty

She do what she please

Nigga please,

Shes comin home to me

Cause she just wanna dance

She just wanna dance

Body mesmerize

They can fantasize

But when shes comin home

Shes givin me the rise

She just wanna dance

This halloween

2010-10-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

I was Sam!

Well okay. No. In all honesty...... I didn't celebrate it. I didn't do anything Halloween related in fact. Except that I watched Ghost, wearing Sam's wife beater and pajama pants. (That's why I said I was Sam... you get it?)

Ghost was a pretty good oldish movie I have to say. Demi looked like a prepubescent boy, but storyline and suspense and humour were well delivered.

BY THE WAY.

I volunteered to be a friend's guinea pig for her beauty course. I found out (only after I said yes), that her treatment(s') gonna be about losing weight using their "machines". And, apparently, it also involves massages and being half naked!

What a win win! Massage and losing weight ahahah

By the way Jay.. you know who this friend is? It's Julma (our family friend who used to baby sit us)

She said though I'll be half naked it wouldn't be a problem anyway since she saw me fully naked before.

So true~

I'm excoited.

Nicki Minaj in Kanye West's "Monster"

2010-10-27T00:40:00.000-07:00

Lyrics

Pull up in the monster
automobile gangster
with a bad b-tch that came from Sri Lanka
yeah I'm in that Tonka, colour of Willy Wonka
you could be the King but watch the Queen conquer
ok first things first I'll eat your brains
then I'mma start rocking gold teeth and fangs
cause that's what a muthaf-cking monster do
hairdresser from Milan, thats the monster do
monster Giuseppe heel that's the monster shoe
Young Money is the roster and the monster crew
and I'm all up all up all up in the bank with the funny face
and if I'm fake I aint notice cause my money aint
let me get this straight wait I'm the rookie
but my features and my shows ten times your pay?
50k for a verse, no album out!
yeah my money's so tall that my barbie's gotta climb it
hotter than a middle eastern climate
find it Tony Matterhorn dutty wine it
while it, nicki on them titties when I sign it
how these n-ggas so one-track minded
but really really I don't give a F-U-C-K
forget barbie f-ck nicki she's fake
she's on a diet but my pockets eating cheese cake
and I'll say bride of Chucky is Child's play
just killed another career it's a mild day
besides 'Ye they can't stand besides me
I think me, you and Am [Amber Rose] should menage friday
pink wig thick ass give em whip lash
I think big get cash make em blink fast
now look at what you just saw I think this is what you live for
aaaahhh, I'm a muthaf-cking monster!

Brownies

2010-10-25T09:39:00.001-07:00

Have time to kill?

Seeking some comfort food?

Or just want to procrastinate?

This is one of the best things you can do.

Really.

And this is how you do it.

Have fun!

2010-10-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

hdmi what

Double Negatives

2010-10-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

What's with people using them??

"Not necessarily unproblematic"

"Highly unlikely to be unreliable"

Can't they just say "there may be some problems" and "it's fairly reliable" instead? :|

Grr.. maybe I'm just too slow!

My brother

2010-10-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Week after week, I complain about him.

Troughs after troughs, I boil because of his words.

But blood is still blood,

And I can't wait for him to see what I (with parents' money and with their permission) bought for him for his birthday!

Heeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I'm so happy cause I know he'll be IMPLODING with joy!

-

2010-10-17T02:56:00.000-07:00

I hope they know where they're heading.

I hope they know the consequences they're setting themselves up for.

I hope their future still seem bright for them.

I just hope they know.

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

2010-10-08T05:26:00.000-07:00

Pictures speak for themselves.

They don't need to be explicit to tell a story.

And yet, the obvious may not actually be an adequate presentation of the captured moment.

I saw many pictures today :)

Some of me, some of my loved ones.

I saw the picture of me and Sam, dressed up, matching colours, matching smiles.

I smile.

I saw pictures of Sam, Jono and their elder brother Ashley, when they were kids.

I smile. I imagined their childhood as if watching an old video recording. I could see their parents' love reflecting from their eyes. I could see competition.. mischief. Bliss.

I saw pictures of Milo, who is currently lost (we suspect stolen).

I smile. Milo's squinty eyes look past the camera.. staring straight at his owner, proudly, as she took the photo. He was on my lap, while I was on th driver's seat, parked of course, with his front paws perched on the steering wheel. Such small creature.. yet balls of steel. Unfortunately.

I saw pictures of Sam and his mother taken on his 21st birthday.

I smile. I remember the story she told us, about how much alcohol was wasted that day. I remember the story she told of her and Sam's father. Forever love, confirmed at age 17. I remember Jono, Sam and I sitting with their mom, chit chatting, before we went to bed. Which made me remember my mom. Because my siblings and I did the same.

I saw pictures of Sam and his previous love.

I blinked. I paused. Mixed feelings. But can you blame me?

I remember seeing the photo the first time. Saved the photo, looked for my best friend online, send the photo to him, and said "Jay! how hot is this mix?? She's mixed everything. Dutch, Indon, Indian etc etc I can't remember all". And Jay said, "She's okay, I guess. Who's the guy??!?"

I smile.

I remember seeing the same photo shortly after I got to know Sam, and remember feeling... confused, no, rather, curious. At this time, I was holidaying in Malaysia. This was also the same time I discovered Sam and Sam were no longer Facebook friends. Which made me even more curious. I never knew what happened between them (at that time). But from what I gathered in my few encounters with Sam, I knew, he rather not talk about it. And one thing I learnt from the past was, "letting nature take it's course", and by asking about his past.. especially after getting the vibe that I shouldn't ask, I believe is pushing nature.

I remember thinking about this shortly after I came back from holidays. And Sam and I had been dating for some weeks now. He had told me about his story. I listened. I cringed with him, I sighed with him, I laughed, I was in awe, I was speechless. I was touched. I remember, after knowing, and looking at the same photo again when I came across it... I smiled. I understood why the photos were still there. Just because something ended badly, didn't mean you had to regret the entire journey. I remember feeling so much more respect for Sam then.

Then, I remember coming across the same photo.. few days ago. I stared. And stared. And stared. Staaaaaaarrrredd. And my heart sank. And I start to sulk. Unlike previously, I looked at this photo as if I saw it the first time, as his girlfriend. I didn't like it. I shut the window immediately, and distracted myself.

It's funny how time can change the littlest things. Half a year ago, I hadn't seen Sam for 3 months and I couldn't care less. A month ago, I hadn't seen him for a week, and I was devastated. Like real emo.

I shall now end with..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIRiZsDObrU

(Thanks Jono, for the perfect video recommendation/conclusion.)

Words to summarise recent weeks

2010-09-28T06:21:00.000-07:00

assignments
Sam :))
break
lazy
sleep ins
Sam :))
work
uni
airport runs
Sam :))
cooking
Sam :))
dining
procrastinating
debitssss :(
pay rise :)
thesis :(
sunny
tan

And more Sam :))))

:D

2010-09-18T01:38:00.001-07:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I want a new phone

2010-09-16T07:03:00.001-07:00

*cry cry cry*

*whine whine whine*

waaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

In response to a friend's blog post

2010-09-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

Click to view

I actually disagree with a lot of the things you mentioned there!

I do agree that sex education MUST be practiced. But I don't think simply advocating for abstinence will work. Kids will go on to do and experiment with whatever they are curious about. There is no stopping it. What I think we should do is provide the right type of education about sex including what actually happens during sex, how people might come to decide on having sex, how partying and the use of alcohol could influence one's sexual experience, the various perspectives of sex from OTHER cultures, the consequences of having protected as well as unprotected sex and of course diseases. And plenty more! By informing young teenagers, and treating them with respect, they will get the idea that having sex is far more beyond that just the intercourse itself. By being unbiased, and supportive no matter what, that is being nonjudgmental while providing them the right education, they will be more self-aware of themselves and know that they owe themselves the respect and also deserve respect from others. With that said, when they choose to engage in sexual intercourse before marriage and at a young age, as long as they are fully aware of the consequences and are being safe about it, I will be totally okay with it.

Kids will do whatever they want to do. In front OR behind you back. Their friends will talk about it. Movies show it. There’s the inevitable porn on websites that someone is bound to come across and share with others. I think the best thing to do is let them know that they are in control of their body, and to let them be aware of the things that could result from having sex.

From that, yes, I think a video showing childbirths would be appropriate. As long as the education is not one sided i.e. biased. Simply saying, "if you have sex, you will die" like the gym coach in the movie Mean Girls, just won't work. It's one of the most backward methods of premarital sex prevention ever.

With regards to the school you mentioned, I say, KUDOS.

All the things I mentioned before, about the right type of education about sex, is IMPOSSIBLE in Malaysia. Because we are too conservative and stubborn and downright backwards with our ways. Sex education just WON’T happen because sex is too taboo in our country. They believe that by including any material involving sex, will encourage sex. They refuse to believe that it’s happening, they refuse to believe that kids are maturing way early than before, and they refuse to believe that sex education is important. Because of that, Malaysia has pretty fucked up views about sex.

Sex is so taboo, but it’s everywhere. On TV, on the net, in music, in books... no matter how bad you make it sound, there are still a thousand more reasons people can think of to want to try it. But our country makes it so hard for people who actually want to learn or educate about it. Anyone who attempts to address it will be shunned as sex is really just TOO taboo to talk about. Just like no one ever talks about using protection for sex because, "we don't want them to have sex in the first place". It's bloody unrealistic. And when people do try to do the right thing, they feel disgusted about it. How many people do you know will not touch a condom?

I know the school may cause people to think that it is fine for people to get pregnant at 14 but think about the broader picture. Sex is happening and you can’t do anything to stop it. We can only do our best in guiding our youths to making an INFORMED decision when it comes down to it. For that to happen, everyone should stop demonising sex. And I think.... that school for pregnant teens, is a great way to break the barrier and makes a great WAKE UP call to the locals. It’s a big move, a bold move, that says, THIS IS WHAT’S HAPPENING AND WE SHOULD STOP DENYING OR AVOIDING IT.

And really, a lot of teens are misguided in this generation. And that can be due to everything and anything from poor quality education, disturbed family backgrounds, low self-esteem etc etc etc, that you can't simply BLAME them alone for falling pregnant. Falling pregnant can be one of the side effects of a larger problem, like maybe, parental neglect? Or divorce. Or whatever. Girls will always seek to be loved, and guys will always find a way to have sex, be it to tell the girl he loves her and will always love her and tell her that to show that she loves him back is to sleep with him. When someone is lost and vulnerable, they’re easily manipulated and they WILL believe that by sleeping someone means to show that you love the person.

Then when someone falls pregnant early, what happens? They become the talk of the town. They get rejected by their families, friends, they lose all things valuable to them at their most important and fragile time of their lives. A school that won’t blame or judge is perfect to build their hopes again, to be in a supportive environment with other people who know what you’re going through, to know your future is still in their hands, to know their goals aren’t diminished as long as they continue to work hard and strive. A lot of teenagers end up regretting having sex early. And it’s not just because they’re horny. A ton of things could influence that. Media, peer pressure, alcohol, values, and all the stuff I said before. These things are never black and white. And just because teenagers fall pregnant early doesn’t mean they deserve to struggle forever. And just because they got pregnant, doesn’t mean they were stupid. Some were bright, but naive girls who knew nothing about sex but were coerced into doing it. And some, were genuinely in love with their partners who genuinely love them back, who were aware of the consequences but would like to be intimate and nurture the trust, end up with an unplanned pregnancy even after using protection. They still deserve a second chance at developing their careers, no?

You know who you are

2010-09-03T06:37:00.001-07:00

You're better than the best

I'm lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that's right)
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Let's me know that it's okay (yea, it's okay)
And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall outta bed
Sing like a bird,
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record,
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like fool,
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold,
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like a flower pokin through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain
And just like that

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

It's been a rong rong time.

2010-08-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

So couple of nights ago, my phone battery went flat after talking to my best friends. Jay was telling me about how he showed my pictures to this known M'sian photographer in KL. Both reckon I have potential right... and the guy said for me to give him a call when I drop by KL. Or to drop by KL to give him a call. Or something like that.

JJ said he's expensive.

And I said, I'm not paying.

What? I'm not paying!

I was talking to Sam about this on our way to Scott Pilgrim vs The World. He basically said exactly what I was feeling, except I couldn't think of the right words to verbalise it. Which was along the lines of, if he really truly, genuinely thought I had potential, and would like to see me out there fulfill my potential, he should be taking me under his photographer wings and offer his photography services to me for free and guide me through the tough model world and mentor me etc. Instead of charging me like everyone else. Because I'm not like everyone else. I'm not paying to get my pictures done, to get paid to get pictures done. If that makes sense.

You know I don't even think I'm that fantastic but really in a way this is a test of someone's authenticity. If you honestly do truly believe in me, you'd be offering yourself and make it a long term investment. Without question.

Like what my photographer friends did in KK :p

So, yeh. I'm not paying!

Anyway... Sam and I also talked about Miss Malaysia. He reckons, I shouldn't be limited to my parents' attitudes towards the pageant business. But that's kinda hard for me.. to do. I caused quite a frenzy last holidays. And I was only part of an interstate competition. Annndd.. I kinda gave them my word... that I'll never do such a thing again.

But after talking to Sam, I feel more inclined to join. For me, I'm not after the spotlight and fame. I'm not really as attracted to that part of the pageant, as I am to the opportunities beyond the runway and prizes. Last holidays, being in the competition, we did plenty of community work as part of the program. I'm hoping that by maybe joining Miss Malaysia, I can get back into that type of work and also train my networking skills for the future.

Previous pageant queens admitted to JJ that simply having titles on their resumes had helped them in their current careers. That would be a bonus for me! I think, it's not because of all the popularity (though there are still some factors of that I guess), but really because of the work experience and networking during the entire pageant.

The next selection would be in June apparently. I'd be done with my studies then.... I do actually have plans do some travelling after my graduation.... but if I'm taking up this challenge who knows, I might have the opportunity to travel anyway and get sponsored while doing so.

ZOMG. Hahaha. Guess I have to prepare my apologies for the parents again.

To friends reading this who have me on Facebook, don't mention anything about this on my wall please :p decision's not solid yet and I really don't want any interrogation from family members hahaha

Peace and love!

Ginny Weasley from Harry Potter and Caius (Volturi) from Twilight

2010-07-19T20:31:00.001-07:00

are engaged!

Aww... how "magical".

When I graduate

2010-07-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

I want to travel to more than 5 different countries.

Yes I do.

VIDEO: Living in luxury

2010-07-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

VIDEO: Living in luxury

http://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-advice/first-review-of-singapores-mega-hotel/story-e6frfqfr-1225886602327

Soooo... job shadowing was cancelled today

2010-07-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

We had a talk from DIAC instead. 9-3pm.

Boring!

So I went on MiniFring on my phone half the time hehehe. Strange... I saw contacts online from MSN as WELL as Skype? Is Fring like that normally?

Anyway. Wasn't overly disappointed with the change. Yeah twas boring but morning tea (Scones with jam and cream nom nom nom), lunch AND afternoon tea were provided :p and if I was shadowing instead I'd have to wake up at 5am soooo... iz all cool :)

I have to say the training sessions have been quite poorly organised. IF it was organised properly, they would have only taken 5 days maximum to deliver the necessary content plus assessments. I say this cause every session feels like they're repeating the same shit all over again. We get it..... clients do not = criminals. We get it, we have to treat them all as equals. DIAC, Serco, Red Cross, everyone... ALWAYS repeat the same thing whenever they come in. There were so many overlaps it got quite annoying to listen to.

BUT. Hey. Who am I to say all this ey? after all they are paying us to come in to listen to them. they want to waste their money and drag out the weeks? Fine. In the end there's more for us. the least they could do was not make training so boring and repetitive :/

Blah. Today's the last of the last. It's over and done with. We now continue with the job shadowing. I have a 6 hour one tomorrow, and night 12 hour ones for Thursday and Sunday. hehehe No need to wake up early for any shifts! yayyyy. And for the following week I only have one shfit which will be on a Sunday.. which is also another night one. hehehe.. before I know it I'll be on my way picking up Sam and Jon from the airport! *happy dance*

Alright. I smell. I'm gonna take a shower now :)

Work

2010-07-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

I’ll be doing my first ever 12 hour shift tomorrow.

6.15am – 6.30pm

Wehewwww, not.

Okay that’s not entirely true. I am quite excited. I did two 8 hour shadowing last week. My first was so boring and awkward I hated it. Hated it so much I came home grumpy. Got so grumpy it affected whatever I did that night :/ e.g. going for grocery shopping twice and still came back forgetting something. Came home and cooked and ended up not cooking right it tasted funny. And even while cooking I kept dropping the spatula spilling sauce all over the floor. AND THEN when I’m finally eating I bit my lip! How HOK is that? Normally I don’t get so uptight about my clumsiness. I don’t know what happened. And though I was having my period I also DON’T normally get grumpy like many do. Whatever it was… I didn’t like myself that night.

On my second day of shadowing, things were a lot different. Good different. Thank GOD. See on the first day, the only productive thing we did was making sure certain forms were signed in EVERY client’s folder and that they were in the right ORDER. That was the most exciting thing we did out of all the 8 hours. The other “exciting” thing we did was set up a baby chair for one of the families. I know I shouldn’t complain ‘cause I’m still getting paid. But still, you know :/ No wonder the clients get depressed. They’re stuck in there with nothing much to do or distract themselves with. They have too much time to think about their visa process shit.

Anyway, as I was saying, the second day was so much better than the first. We carried out some activities with the clients and we also finally had a chance to be the control people (people in charge of security – cameras, log books, registers etc). I also spent some time with the interpreters learning some basic Hazaragi and Arabic. Oh and guess wot! One of the interpreters is also a close friend of Jaryllyn’s brother Jon! Small world eh! He mentioned a great friend of his who is a “magician with a huge goatie, who plays the guitar”. Hehehe! And I asked if he knew the sister “with the piercings” he said yes! He’s now one of the people I look forward to seeing when I go to work :p just cause we have mutual friends and he can teach me another language ;)

In the previous weeks, the trainers who came in and taught us always mentioned that this job will be a real eye opener and that it’ll be one of the most rewarding things we’d have done in our lives. On the second day of shadowing, I experienced my first rewarding moment! I was playing with a couple of 4-5 yr olds in the common lounge right... We were passing the soccer ball to one another until I snatched the ball and said “It’s mine. All mine now.” Just for fun. It’s not like I won’t return the ball or anything. And the two just looked at each other, grinned and started wrestling with me! One thing lead to another suddenly I was piggy backing both of them (luckily they were really small) and I spun them round and round acting like a transformers robot. And they loved it!! They were screaming and laughing and when it was time for me to leave, they hugged me so tight at the door. They didn’t want to let go. This surprised me so much cause for one, I never really connect with kids in general. Second, I never thought they’d appreciate the previous 10 minutes that much. This got me so warm and fuzzy inside. I couldn’t stop thinking about it on the way home.

So in a way I’m not down with the waking up at 5am, but I’m definitely excited to meet the clients and spend some time entertaining them again :D OH. And because I, suggested Body Combat classes to the director, they are now expecting ME to run it if the plan works out. Hahahah. I enjoyed body combat during Year 11. But that’s it. I don’t know how to choreograph shit! Soooo I think I might get one of those body combat work out dvd’s and learn at home and see if I can pull it off at work :p I thought of attending REAL classes but I think the dvd will be more cost efficient :p

Alrightyy. Have to freshen up now. Update later! Wish me luck in waking up tomorrow :)

Quote of the day

2010-06-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

Happiness doesn't exist on the far side of distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. Not you, however, sitting in idle passivity. It is to be found in the vibrant dynamism of your own life as you struggle to challenge and overcome one obstacle after another, as you clamber up a perilous ridge in pursuit of that which lies beyond.

I miss Sam :((((((((

2010-06-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

But we'll Skype tomorrow?

Thank God he's only on holiday. I can't imagine doing this for more than a month! But its such poor timing though cause winter's actually starting to get cold. And it feels extra cold without him :(((

And I miss my friends too :(

And Rett is in Melbourne :(

But at least Iris is staying with us now so she's there to keep my company :)

We even watched Sex and the City 2 at the movies the other night! though I haven't even watched the first one. haha. OH well. An easy-to-watch and entertaining movie.

I'm heading to bed now so more updates later people~

M

2010-06-23T05:38:00.000-07:00

I saw a translated Japanese proverb today. It was framed up at where we had our training. It said “Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare”.

When I read it, the first thing that came to mind, was a good friend of mine. One I rarely see, because of distance, because of time, and of course because I’m not that loaded to fly over to Europe to see her whenever I wanted (which is pretty much how I feel like every time I talk to her). She’s one of the most amazing people I know, and one you never need to try to get along with. Our friendship was effortless. We connected immediately. Sounds funny I know, but there are some people who are just hard to get along with at first, but you end up close with them anyway much later.

Anyway, M, you’re probably the reason I got so disappointed with PLC. Let me explain people. Before going there, I knew she went to that school. So when I met her, and knowing I was going to be in the same school, I thought everyone I meet, will be just like her! Easy going and open-minded.

Boy was I wrong!

Nevertheless, even before going to PLC, I just knew there will never be another M. Till now, I still believe that.

M, I apologise for what I said before. It wasn’t my place at all to tell you to get back with P. However, I still strongly believe, you are capable of achieving everything you want to achieve. To be independent, to be inspiring. You already got this! It just hasn’t been obvious to YOU because you just don’t believe it. The proverb above can be interpreted in so many ways, but it reminded me of you because when you spoke to me, you were so clear with knowing what needed to be done, how it had to be done, and why you needed what you want… you were very clear, except… for when you begin to add detail to the plan, which threw you off track, and you became overwhelmed with actually making these thoughts into reality.

I know we can’t help it when sometimes millions of things rush to our head when we start to think or plan things. And every time it happens, little do we know it, it discourages us more and more to think about it and to get started at all. But the littlest things we do to make it clearer, make a huge difference. Like blogging? c: Actually, anything that presents to you physically of what you initially thought of, HELPS. Whatever this may be. A post-it. A drawing. A picture of someone. It just helps whenever you can see your goals in front of you in actual material. These don’t necessarily have to represent your ultimate life goals. These can just be plans for the next day. Like I said, littlest things, huge difference. We may not know be aware of it but actually doing what we actually planned to do motivates us to do a lot more.

Someone once told me, sometimes to step up you step sideways. It doesn’t matter if nothing is happening. But the effort still makes a huge difference. Also, people don’t think this is important but always acknowledge the things you do for yourself and recognise it whether you have tried doing what you planned to do. M, I don’t need to be in front of you, to know that you’re not as aware of what goes on when you’re doing something for yourself, compared to how you feel when you’re alone. Don’t get the wrong idea, what I’m saying is that you’re very in-tuned to your emotions and your feelings but when you’re out at school or when you’re doing something, you don’t really think about how you’re feeling then and most importantly, how... what you’re doing is STILL doing something to reach your dreams. All I’m asking for is to start being aware when you’re at school or doing an assignment. Look inwards and think about how you’re on your way, actively remind yourself, that what you’re currently doing is getting you closer to what you want. In the end, no matter what the outcome is, doing nothing... is the only limit.

Another line I love is, “courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm”. What is there to be enthusiastic about? Everything! The present, the future, the known, the unknown. Knowing and believing you’ll reach your dreams without actually knowing how to get there, but to remind yourself anyway that you’re on your way. And be patient. You may not see the changes you wanted to occur, and you may still feel lost some days, but while you’re trying things... trust me... just keep going and have faith.

M, like P said, you bright up people’s lives. You’re already inspiring people without even knowing it. You got it. You have it. Push yourself... and have fun doing it.
When we spoke the last time, I was tongue tied even though I had so much to say. I hope you know that I’m always here, wherever you are. And I’m glad you’re feeling more and more yourself again (looking at your blog c:). Embrace this and nurture yourself okayyyyyy??

I miss you and you’re always in my prayers.

I hope the skies clear up for you soon c:

And it finally TRULY begins!

2010-06-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

It's starting.

A friend of mine is engaged! Cheryl K. is the first person I know engaged who is my age, and is directly a friend of mine (i.e. not someone I met through another friend or sibling). We used to go to the same high school and though we're not that close I'm still really stoked for her :D

This actually reminded me about how my family friends and I back home would have discussions about marriage during the holidays, mostly debating who would be married off/engaged first. (I never actually thought about my non-family friends! hahaha..) We'd guess that Evelyn would prolly get engaged first among the G-word crew. And last or never possibly Jay hahahaha. Just cause of legal issues of course. Now I'm guessing who's next.

I reckon................... the couple who is most likely to get engaged next..... is................... Ja+Fran.............. or Lucas+Sarah :D

Don't ask me why! It's just the vibe I get!

Anyway, I said it's starting/beginning because we/kids of my generation are reaching that milestone already. From young we know this was coming! It's just hard for me to believe still. Sometimes I still can't believe how I came to study in university. This was never in my thoughts or expectation to pursue uni.. while growing up, but it happened. As a kid, I'd think only the smartest people go to uni, and that uni will be like the American colleges on tv - Large fields with plenty of white people... sitting on the grass or under a tree. Studying. And/or socialising. And then having crazy parties.

Then one January I got sent to boarding school overseas and before I knew it I was filling out applications to universities because everyone was (supposed to be?) doing it. Same with driving too btw. Growing up, I never had a single vision of me driving. At all. When my parents thought it was time for me to learn, I was scared and didn't want to do it. Told my parents I could do with public transport.

Now, I have my own car. I drive everyday. and I go to uni. Friends have even graduated or are graduating... and actually already getting engaged. It's bizarre... but it's reality I guess.

Now I wonder who's going to be the first to have kids :p

For me I think this life business is really really hard. Like, I REALLY want to be an active energetic grandparent one day who will see her own grandkids go through puberty and pass on advice etc, buttt... that would mean I'll have to have kids around 25. And I'd like to do this traditionally, meaning, marriage first. SO. That would mean marriage will be before 25.

Oh God.

And this is just marriage. What about my career? As it is I'm having so much trouble deciding what to do during end of year holidays and what to do next year in general. I don't even know if I'm finishing up my education with a Bachelor degree or something greater... just hate this uncertainty.

Now with all that said..... I'm going to follow MY mother's advice, and just, "Let nature take it's course". I don't know when or how my life's gonna turn out after this year. But... things will unfold... there's no doubt about it. I mean, life is happening whether you'd like it to pause or not. Whatever's to come... will come. Before I know it, I'll be 75 and sitting in KYC... drinking Milo Ping with JJ... and talking about dentures and kids having no respect anymore. Hahah..

Maaaaaaaan.... we're actually growing up.

Shit just got real yo.

Lunch break

2010-06-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

Day 1 training today!

Suprisingly the stuff presented to us aren't extremely boring or that hard to comprehend. Even Managed to stay focused until a certain point towards the end where I was desperately needing a toilet break (Not to pee or poo but to let out a huge loud fart I knew I had no control over :p), and apparently we only have four weeks of training now instead of 5. Yes! Seriously. I cannot deal with wakin up at 7 everyday for five weeks.. I know that kind of lifestyle is inevitable anyway and its what happens when you become an adult but hey still a student here :p and I'll grow up when I graduate :)

Anyway. Right now I have about half an hour left on my lunch break and I just spent 18 bucks on fish and chips because I don't have cash on me and the hotel restaurant's got a $12 minimum to pay by card. Hmmph. And cbf going out to find an atm, get lunch and try beat traffic all over again.

Oh Shit. I need another toilet break. Toodly doo!

Lazy update

2010-06-12T01:38:00.000-07:00

It's winter. It's cold. It's the end of semester.

It's time for home cooked chicken rice!

-

Btw... I've been enjoying life a bit too much lately hence the lack of updates. hehehehe. The post-semester pre-exam study week has just been too good you know? Exams start the following week but I don't have one till the 22nd of June, which will be the only exam I have left. So since the time I handed in my last assignment, I have just been enjoying myself doing everything and nothing at the same time.

I'm not crazy enough to bolt myself down to study just yet! Also, the parents were just over last week. Such great timing that they arrived after I had done all my assignments :D and their trip was short but very sweet. In just 7 days, we cooked for them for all the nights they stayed in and also took them to the mid-year sales. It felt like ages since we last saw them so being with them was just awesome. And listening to mom's stories all over again? Just never gets old! I miss my parents already :/

Anyway, I wanna start preparing tonight's dinner. :D

More updates next time!

Nicole Scherzinger

2010-06-01T08:53:00.001-07:00

has the most amazing body!

When I grow up I wanna be Nicole :D

Photos of friends' pets

2010-06-01T01:37:00.000-07:00

They are SHOOOOOOOOO CUTEEE!!!!

This is Leopold

Marie's beautiful sausage dog puppy

and this is Milo

Iris' "tea-cup" sized chihuahua

My laptop can eat him!

I think I'll never ever get sad if I just have a dog. I hate being allergic to them :( I carry anti histamine with me whereever I go though.... ok so its more like I hate that my brother won't help me raise one if I'm willing to buy one! hahaha

The Top 3 Evil Moments I Have Weekly Because of Facebook

2010-05-28T01:16:00.000-07:00

1. When you stalk people on Facebook and realise how lame your ex has become since you guys broke up

2. When you come across the Facebook profile of someone who used to be mean to you, and seeing how unattractive and/or fat he or she's become

3. When you come across the Facebook profile of an ex crush, and seeing how unattractive and/or fat he's become

So mean right????? But it just makes my day sometimes! To the girls at high school who only spoke to me when they saw who was my Year 12 Ball date, to the crushes I liked who only started to notice me now, to the ex crush who took advantage of my feelings and tried to two-time me, to the idiot ex who would "like" pictures of girls in bikinis tanning on the beach...

Karma's a bitch.

And I friggin' love it.

Assignmenting

2010-05-22T06:23:00.001-07:00

This never ends.

Just. want. to. graduateeeeeeee :'(

Mission Accomplished

2010-05-15T02:05:00.000-07:00

The literature review is finished! It's not due till a week from now but I'm so proud of myself I got it done :) its another piece of shit. But at least it's 7 pages worth of it!

So the past few days have gone. In those days, I managed to get some research done for homework. Get sick. Pull an all nighter. Get an epic homework completely finished. Spend time with Sam. Spend time with Koko Jon. Spend time with Milo. Spend time with Facebook etc etc

Facebook.. since joining the the model comp.. have flooded my news feed with photographers' photos. And because I became friends with Joannabelle Ng (Miss Malaysia 2009), real life and on Facebook, and because her boyfriend's a photographer, she keeps getting tagged on Facebook and it shows up on my news feed every time. Every single time.

Sometimes her photos don't interest me and sometimes they do.

Anyway, today J.N. got tagged on Facebook again, and this time I decided to browse. Bored mah. As usual, went through the photos quickly... niice... euw... nice... euw.. euw.. euw.. nice.. niiiiiice... uhhh... nice... euw.

Here are some of the photos I thought were nice, that were taken by her boyfriend, Nic Chung :)

So while looking at her photos.. I had a few flashbacks.

I thought about the time when Ja said to me at uni a year and a half ago "Hey you're friends with Miss Malaysia oh??".

I was like "?". The only Miss I knew at the time was my friend's mom, who used to be Miss Sabah. Well runner up. or something. Still? ahahah...

Ja, "Andrea Fonseka"

Me, "Ohh........................... OHHHH??????? She's Miss Malaysia???????"

Ja, "Yeah.. I was keh-pohing and reading her blog. And I saw a photo with you in it!"

Me, "Yeah we had lunch cuz my brother is good friends with her sister.. Lena. He was asking her to hook him up with Andrea."

etc etc etc (Apparently the Fonsekas' mom was Miss Malaysia too :d )

After my little memory moment, I decided to google Andrea.

Definitely a hot girl! Look for yourself...

Even went on FHM a few times

BUT

I didn't know.. she was also

Apparently (again), when she won the title there were all these controversial talks about her weight. I wonder if it contributed to the weight loss?

Gosh.. she wasn't even fat. She was pretty padded, yes.

Then again, I won't say she looks worse than before. Who are we kidding right? She looks way hotter thin.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not pro-thin (pro-slim yes.) . But fact is fact, and fact is by comparison of the photos, her thin photos rocked way more hahah

Anyway, Clare asked about Miss Malaysia, if I was really going to join. I really don't knowwwwwwwww. I can say, I intend to? But if there are more important things for me to get done during that season next year I won't put it on hold just to join M. M.

Everything's too uncertain right now basically.

Anyway.. Imma go. Have a good weekend people~

3 pages out of 7

2010-05-12T07:31:00.001-07:00

DONE.

>:)

Literature Review

2010-05-12T03:09:00.000-07:00

due date got extended! WOO!

And another racist slur

2010-05-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

Racist lady: Asians. You're everywhere! We're all gonna burn. All white Australians are gonna burn!

Ja: What bird?

.... hahah

Well. Like Ja said about what Russell Peters said, we're aaalll gonna come after ya! We're all gonna fuck ya!

Beige will be the new white. If that burns then... wah lao.. toughen up?

Anyhoooo.. though the night ended with racism, it certainly didn't start that way.

Ja's brova Jon Madd performed at Impact bar for a chance to win a $700 record deal. There was a panel of judges apparently but audience were allowed to vote too.

I didn't think I was going because Jon (my eldest brother) took my car out. butI really wanted to go!! cuz I knew how much support could help... hahah having been on that boat before :p and I haven't seen Jon performed... only pictures of. So! I called Morgan to kawan me and I managed to get a ride from him. Big boy now has a car :)

The bar was pretty empty at first, but by the time Jon got on stage, the place was packed! The entire crowd in the bar was all of Jon's kaki! quite an awesome experience to be part of. He's definitely getting the deal!

Fingers crossed!

Oh I just realised something. Both Jon and Jon... are not only eldest brothers between Ja's family and my family, but they are also the performers among their siblings!

This is Ja's Jon

aka Jon Madd

This is my Jon

aka DJ Fine China

Mmmkayy, Gordon Ramsay's on tv!

Master Chef

2010-05-05T00:17:00.001-07:00

Konon.

Note to self: Bread knives are to slice bread, not fingers.

P.S. Lit review is killing me :(

But I will come out alive! I don't care! It will be finished before dinner tonight!

Ciao Italia bebeh. Have you met my new bff? Cellulite Sally!

Ham, cheese and mushroom crepe for breakfast

2010-05-01T21:51:00.001-07:00

:)))))))))))))

Sam makes me happyyyyy

Hmm

2010-04-27T00:58:00.001-07:00

So like, I know I blogged about studying awhile ago, guess what.. I haven't been studying.

I've become more and more calculative with going about it. I'd see that I have just one assignment due every week. Though its shitty they're due one after another, it's not as bad as having A FEW due in one week. (?). So I've been going through my assignments one by one. I guess, weekend by weekend. I can't research for two assignments at a time its just a mind fuck. Hahaha... But so far once I started, I don't stop until I finish, which is always a good thing!

Anyway, I was having a chat with my best friend the other day. He apparently has plans for me to join Miss Malaysia and something else which I forgot. To be honest, I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind going after the 30/20/10K prize. I sure have just as many buts as before... but hey, I went through it. I learnt enough from it to know I won't die from joining. And as for the talent round, I guess I could practice my piano skills. And play some shitty less-than-Grade-1 song (I stopped learning at Grade 1... didn't even bother to do the Grade 1 exam hahaa). I reckon playing an easy song perfectly is better than singing or dancing! Tried the dancing, EASY moves okay and I still managed to fuck it up.

Although I wouldn't mind the pageant pursue, I couldn't promise Jay a yes. That's because the future right now, just looks so bloody misty. Here's why. I'm doing my final year of psychology this year (bachelor), and:

- I don't know if this is my actual final year, seeing it's been quite a struggle to keep up.

- I don't know if I will actually start my job training in July. And if so, I don't know if it won't affect my studies enough (and vice versa) in that I will pass the year and still have my job intact after.

- If I do pass the year, and still have my job, how long will I stay in the job? And how can I fit Miss Malaysia in the calendar?

- If I do pass the year, and still have my job, and also able to join Miss Malaysia, when the fuck can I actually do my post-graduation travels?

I feel like the only way things could work out is if the July training got cancelled because there are not enough numbers. That would give me more time to fixate on my studies for the rest of the year and make sure I pass. That would also allow me to go back for holidays end of year PLUS the Vancouver visit PLUS the post-graduation travelling if I wanted PLUS Miss Malaysia.

But the thing is I WANT THIS JOB SO BADLY. I'm so afraid I'd have to choose in July. Should I just hope they tell me there aren't enough people for the July training that they'll post pone it to 2011? That could happen right? It's possible?

Not so happy :(

2010-04-23T01:56:00.000-07:00

HR from Serco said I'll be missing too much if I attend my uni classess during the 5 week training period. So they're gonna set me in for the July intake, that's if, there are enough people for the July intake.

I'm kinda upset cause I really really wanted to do it. I was ready to get out there and learn some hands on practical business, earn some money for myself, start my career and what not. Now I have to wait all over again until July... and its not even guaranteed that there'll be another training course then. And what if they forget about me?

........... At least there's time for homework now? :/ I guess.

Ima so happy

2010-04-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

What else can I say? :)

ABC News "Volcano Cloud Smother Europe" - by Rachel Brown

2010-04-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

A huge plume of drifting ash from a volcanic eruption in Iceland has disrupted air traffic across much of northern and western Europe, stranding tens of thousands of air passengers.

The entire airspace in the UK, Norway, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden is closed, there are partial closures in France, and Finland has closed all airports except Helsinki-Vantaa. Flights to and from Australia have been cancelled, and thousands of other Europe-bound passengers from Asia and the United States have been left stranded.

The volcano began erupting on Wednesday (local time) for the second time in a month from below the Eyjafjallajokull glacier in the south of Iceland, and an Icelandic volcanologist says the eruption is growing more intense.

It is estimated that between 4,000 and 5,000 flights were affected on Thursday as a plume of grey ash up to 10 kilometres high blew across the Atlantic, closing major airports more than 2,100 kilometres away.

Volcanic ash contains tiny particles of glass and pulverised rock, which can melt in plane engines, causing a loss of power.

A number of flights between Australia and the UK have been cancelled or delayed due to the volcanic ash.

Qantas says it is not cancelling flights at this stage but says some planes that left Sydney and Melbourne last night are stranded in Singapore and Bangkok.

Qantas spokeswoman Olivia Wirth says people planning to travel to Europe or the United Kingdom should check the airline's website before heading to the airport.

It is the first time in living memory that a natural disaster has caused such a halt, a spokeswoman for Britain's National Air Traffic Service (NATS) says.

Meteorologists say the ash will dissipate as it travels over northern Europe and Russia.

But John Strickland, director of air transport consultancy JLS Consulting, sees possible broader hazards.

"Iceland sits right on one of the key routes between Europe and the USA and... depending on meteorological conditions it could also affect flights from Europe to Asia, so there are two big international flows which could be
affected by this," he said.

The European air safety organisation says the disruption, the biggest seen in the region, could last another two days, and a leading volcano expert says the ash could present intermittent problems to air traffic for six months if the eruption continues.

Even if the disruption is short lived, the financial impact on airlines could be significant, a consultant said.

The International Air Transport Association had said only days ago airlines were slowly coming out of recession.

The Association of British Insurers said volcanic eruptions were not always covered by travel insurance for cancellation and delay. But some airlines issued statements confirming they would refund fares or change flights.

Stranded passenger Andy Evans says airline staff at Stansted airport, north-east of London, told customers it could be closed until Sunday.

"People just don't know what to do," he said. "There are hundreds of people in the queues at the sales desks."

A spokesman at Heathrow, Europe's busiest airport, said 840 out of 1,250 flights on Thursday were affected, disrupting about 180,000 passengers.

More than 120,000 other passengers were affected at Gatwick, Stansted and Glasgow airports.
Scientists say the ash does not pose any health threat because it is at such a high altitude.

One consolation for stranded commuters is that there will be a vibrant sunset and purple moon, as the ash particles scatter the sunlight.

- ABC/Reuters

Guess how I first came to know about this. Not through TV news.... not through online news websites.

But through Facebook! lol

A few friends in Europe complained on FB about not travelling to some place and how "this volcano sucks". So I did the research!

I can imagine how this must suck for everyone, especially those who have planned their trips way early.

But I have to admit something......... I'm looking forward to photos of a "purple moon" and "vibrant sunset" :p

Pictures

2010-04-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

I was looking through tagged photos of myself on Facebook.

And I came across this...

I rike it.

I also like this one

I feel like my top makes me glow a bit... hhahah..

Studying

2010-04-11T00:54:00.000-07:00

While shampooing my hair, I was thinking, do I really hate studying? I mean, why? When it comes down to doing research and writing up shit... Do I really hate it? Why do I hate it?

I actually don't. The only reason I hate it is because I know I can be doing something else that's less boring. Stress comes before and after doing my homework - Before, because I know what lies ahead and how much I have to do to get it finished. After, because, even though I did some homework, it's never really complete.. until literally the night before it's due. I also stress when I hit deadends. The thing about deadends... is that they are always temporary. I always pull through and think up something in the end, regardless of the quality. But everytime I hit a deadend, I look for distractions, until I feel motivated enough to start again. Once i start, and reach that deadend again, I procrastinate again.

It's so annoying! Why do I do that!? the fact that I pull through everytime shows that if I stick to it long enough, I'll be out of that deadend eventually. I shouldn't just quit everytime after being blocked by one.

Anyway, upon realising all this, I've decided to take a new approach to studying. I have to always remind myself that I don't actually hate studying. I like finding relevant information. I like knowing I'm contributing to my future by studying. I like knowing I'm growing and I like knowing I'm progressing. Most of all I like knowing I'm getting things done.

And what to do when I hit another deadend? Keep going! This is my self-promise. No quitting. If I ever feel like it, I'll remind myself I always think of something in the end so I might as well think up something straight away (no matter how many times I keep hitting myself with mental blocks).

I spent most of the weekend pondering to myself and reflecting before coming to this.... conclusion.... or whatever it's called. Sicne then I've been reminding myself that studying and doing homework will reward me and bring me closer to my life goals. And though I was no where close to my homework the past few days, I was excited to get back to it. And I did.

I'm not done with my homework or anything, but I thought I could take some time sharing this with you people :)

Good news

2010-03-30T19:19:00.001-07:00

I've done my case study.

It's a lousy piece of shit. But hey, at least there is still... shit. I can kinda enjoy my few days of holiday now.

Bad news

Group meeting later. nyerrghhh...

Another bad news

I haven't heard from the private hospital hey! what's goin on here??????? I thought I got the job!

Then again. I'll just wait. Like I said... enjoy my few days of holidays. Before I know it I'll have little time to do shit again.

Whatevssss. Gonna stay optimistic about the remaining week!

Pardon the whinge

2010-03-30T03:33:00.000-07:00

Time’s pulling all sorts of tricks on me. There’s just one more year to go and I’ll be out of the studying scene. I can’t wait for it to be over, seriously. That said I feel like I need EXTRA time for my assignments and things. I need extra time to understand what the fuck I’m reading. I need extra time to learn the work I’ll be doing. I need extra time for myself, for reflection. I need extra time to calm down. I need extra time for friends. I just need time, yet I can’t wait for it to past!

People say we’ll miss this anxiety once we graduate, that we’ll want to go back to rushing assignments in before the due dates. I… actually do not see this in my future. Last year during the semester break month, I spend about 4 days a week in a café working my butt off. And I loved it. As the units for the next semester were unrelated to the previous one, there was nothing to worry about all month. No due dates. No research homework. No group meetings - Just the perfect balance of work, rest and play. Though I may have felt some sort of stress while working, normally it’s the kind of stress that ends after I sign off. I wasn’t in any managerial position so I needn’t worry about stocks and profits etc.

I loved getting paid and then spending the money on catching up/parting with friends, going out to dinners, and to the movies. I didn’t earn that much money but the money was enough to keep me comfortable. Now that I’m just an unemployed (soon employed) student, I can’t afford to do anything. I can’t look my friends whenever I want because I need to conserve fuel for going to uni and going to group meetings. I can’t just go out to dinner whenever I want because if I did I wouldn’t have enough money for lunch and breakfast.

It’s so hard to find the motivation when I can’t stop thinking about “back in the days of semester break”. I try to remind myself about the importance of achieving my goals and keeping to my self-promises. I try a lot. I tell myself - Life was never meant to be easy. I should just stop complaining and do what I have to do. Just suck it up and do it. Do it, and reward yourself. Do it, and help yourself.

Then I’ll hit some mental block while doing my assignment and I just get demotivated all over again. And then I’ll start cursing the course coordinator and bitch about why they made 4th year so bloody difficult.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
.
.
.

Inessa, no matter what. FINISH YOUR SHIT.

Chinese Pole

2010-03-29T01:49:00.001-07:00

I have to do homework today :(

2010-03-27T20:43:00.000-07:00

I really don't want to.

But I have to :( Eventhough I'm on my 2 weeks break.

I have group meetings I have to prepare for, a community project to start off, and assignments to complete while possibly having 3 shifts a week.

I don't understand why they put so much on the 4th year program. Dissertation (case study assignment, literature review, research proposal etc), Counselling (case study and exam) and Community (field work project - program design, presentation and written report). What the fuck right? I swear if I fail this year, the next time I do it I'm doing it part time.

MAFAKA.

UNHAPPY!

Tae Yang

2010-03-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

is just too yummy.

Out of unemployment by next week!

2010-03-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

Surprise surprise. I will start a job by next week... as a nursing assistant at a rehab hospital!

This was one of the jobs I applied for early this year but have never heard from till yesterday. I was told to come in for an interview today and I did and here I am blogging about it straight after.

Its funny how things can end up, I applied for Serco (the one where I had to go through the assessment and interview) and then got worried because though there will be paid training for 4 weeks, $18 an hour, I don't know if being there everyday of the week for 4 weeks is compulsory. But look at that! 18 an hour... being paid just to LEARN. After the training, your pay increases to $28 an hour. This opportunity is just too good to pass if I get offered you know? But as I just mentioned, I was worried because doing the training will definitely affect my uni commitments. Apart from tutorials I can't miss, I have responsibilities as a group member to be there and contribute weekly at the meetings.

I am now TRUTHFULLY HOPING, Serco doesn't offer me a position. But if they do, I'm going to try my luck negotiating about the training. If they could compromise with me, e.g. I'm allowed to miss some days of the training, I'll do the it and will ask for just 1 shift a week. It's a new operation though, I doubt they will "need" me that much, considering there were so many people at the assessment centre.

But hey, whatever :) I don't need them either (not now anyway).

*squeals* I'm excited for this nursing assistant gig. Really! The private hospital looks great, small and indeed very private. The staff are close knit and supportive and professional but so friendly.

Oh happy day!

Wife Being The Bread Winner

2010-03-23T20:13:00.001-07:00

Sam asked me this question last night and I found it so difficult to answer:

If you're a married woman, would you be okay with it if your husband earns less than you? I.e. You're the bread winner of the family.

Be honest now!

I really couldnt answer. I mean objectively speaking, it shouldn't matter. But I know myself. Even on the dating scene, I would expect the boy to pay for me SOMEtimes. I just like to be taken care of. That said... I KNOW, when I have money, I don't care. Let me explain.

Being in Australia, I consider myself to be very poor. And always broke. Hence, dating a guy, I would like to be taken care of (sometimes). However, being in Malaysia, the level of "socioeconomic status" at which I live in is a bit higher than where I am at as student in Australia therefore I have, and can spend a LOT more money (parents' of course). I know for a fact when I have money I am generous. Guy, girl, friend, new friend, I am willing to pay for things if I feel like it.

Now tying back to marriage. If I end up being a loaded mother fucker... I don't think I'd care if my husband is the lower income earner OR even a househusband. I would care if he's not doing anything and bumming around. Given that he doesn't bum but works very hard whatever hes doing (be it stay-home-dad or plumming), I can safely say I would not care.

But if both of us are struggling just to be comfortable, and cannot afford to go out at restaurants for dinner twice a month or something, then I would have a problem if my husband earns less than me. It's weird right? I mean.. I don't like "struggling", and for my husband to not step up and relief some of the pressure, I'd be very very disturbed.

This just brought me to another point. IF say we're not struggling but not loaded either, i.e. happily middle class, HAPPILY, and both my husband and I are happy with our careers even though he's the lower income earner, I think I would be okay with it too. I guess it all comes down to how at peace I am with the situation. Any kind of added stress would increase the tension and affect how I deal with being the bread winner.

With unlimited wealth, that's no/less stress (hypothetically speaking compared to the others).
Husband being the lower income earner? No problem.

Struggling financially, higher stress.
Husband being hte lower income earner? PROBLEM.

Happy, happy whatever it is, less/no stress.
Husband being the lower in come earner? No problem.

I also thought about how my parents would think, and definitely, regardless of the situation... they will NOT be happy that my husband is not the bread winner. Typical Chinese :)

Anyway.

I wonder what guys think of this? Men, if your wife earns more money than you would it bother you?

Here's a scenario Sam gave me for guys to think about:
If you're out with your mates and everyone's paying for their meal. Are you okay that everyone knows the money you're taking out from your wallet, is actually your wife's money?

The sweetest video I've ever seen

2010-03-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Riiiiiiight????

Hail storm in Perth

2010-03-22T05:17:00.000-07:00

I knew it was going to rain today, I just didn't know it was going to HAIL first.

I was doing my own thing on the net.. you know, stalking people on Facebook then the loudness started to bother me. I was thinking why was today's rain so bloody loud? Little did I know it was hailing! Huge mafakin balls of ice! and it was loud because the neighbour building was a warehouse. Yes metal everywhere.

I got a little fobbish and took a video of the storm. Just cause I thought the hail cubes were massive. Even least year's weren't as big.

I heard some cars got wrecked. I was at home the whole time so I had no idea how mine was affected. I know some of my brother's art work were destroyed. We put them outside leaning against the balcony (they look good sitting there okay). I swear I wanted to save them but the hail looked vicious! I didnt want to be beaten up by a hail storm.... you never win :p

Here are some photos posted on Facebook...

View from Ja's front lawn after the storm

Massive hail balls

Ja's cat who survived the ordeal

Condolences to the Botany students in UWA

Golf ball sized hail

Someone's wrecked car

Someone getting a beating

Now the worst photo. Honestly, this disturbed me the most. I started blogging feeling fine and unaffected... until I saw this photo (and the caption) while saving photos from Facebook

Caption was "Dead ducks.. RIP"

I am really really, deeply disturbed. Can you imagine the poor things... they were pretty much beatened to DEATH. Had no where else to go! Its just so.. brutal. My heart hurts :(

Who said asians can't dance?

2010-03-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

2NE1 - Fire

2010-03-21T01:05:00.000-07:00

I fuckin love this video

and this song :)

Don't like this video as much as the first though.. but still.. the song. <3

Assessment tomorrow

2010-03-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

Wish me luck peoplessss. I have to do a verbal and numerical test tomorrow as well as a personality measure for this job I applied for not long ago. If I do well, I will be invited for the interview. And if this place find me suitable they'll accept me into their training! During the training they'll get my police clearance and Working with Children permit ALL paid and sorted for me!

I really hope I get it :c This job will make life so much more easier for me. I will have money. I will have something in my resume that's related to my course. About time I do something related u know? I'm in my 4th yr now and the only jobs I've ever done were F&B/hospitality.

I want to be a mother fuckin psychologist! God help me.

To my fellow Sagittarians

2010-03-17T03:52:00.000-07:00

"Mercury trine Mars today will make you frank and decisive when thinking on your
feet. You'll get to the point very quickly and will not waste words. You may do
things without thinking them through first, but this shouldn't be too
problematic"

................. According to MSN.

Have to say, I found this quite true for today though. And no, so far no problems from getting to the point quickly! and by that I meant I actually did the homework I planned for tonight. hehehe.. epic achievement. Now some preparation for tomorrow and I'm done.

Gonna have dessert tonight as well so definitely gonna make it worth it muahahahaha :)

I want to know what love is

2010-03-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

Okay not really!

Just wanna post Mariah's version of the song. 'Cause its so bootiful :)

Lyrics:

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Lets talk about love
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside
I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide
I know you can show me, yeah

I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is