And it finally TRULY begins!

It's starting.

A friend of mine is engaged! Cheryl K. is the first person I know engaged who is my age, and is directly a friend of mine (i.e. not someone I met through another friend or sibling). We used to go to the same high school and though we're not that close I'm still really stoked for her :D

This actually reminded me about how my family friends and I back home would have discussions about marriage during the holidays, mostly debating who would be married off/engaged first. (I never actually thought about my non-family friends! hahaha..) We'd guess that Evelyn would prolly get engaged first among the G-word crew. And last or never possibly Jay hahahaha. Just cause of legal issues of course. Now I'm guessing who's next.

I reckon................... the couple who is most likely to get engaged next..... is................... Ja+Fran.............. or Lucas+Sarah :D

Don't ask me why! It's just the vibe I get!

Anyway, I said it's starting/beginning because we/kids of my generation are reaching that milestone already. From young we know this was coming! It's just hard for me to believe still. Sometimes I still can't believe how I came to study in university. This was never in my thoughts or expectation to pursue uni.. while growing up, but it happened. As a kid, I'd think only the smartest people go to uni, and that uni will be like the American colleges on tv - Large fields with plenty of white people... sitting on the grass or under a tree. Studying. And/or socialising. And then having crazy parties.

Then one January I got sent to boarding school overseas and before I knew it I was filling out applications to universities because everyone was (supposed to be?) doing it. Same with driving too btw. Growing up, I never had a single vision of me driving. At all. When my parents thought it was time for me to learn, I was scared and didn't want to do it. Told my parents I could do with public transport.

Now, I have my own car. I drive everyday. and I go to uni. Friends have even graduated or are graduating... and actually already getting engaged. It's bizarre... but it's reality I guess.

Now I wonder who's going to be the first to have kids :p

For me I think this life business is really really hard. Like, I REALLY want to be an active energetic grandparent one day who will see her own grandkids go through puberty and pass on advice etc, buttt... that would mean I'll have to have kids around 25. And I'd like to do this traditionally, meaning, marriage first. SO. That would mean marriage will be before 25.

Oh God.

And this is just marriage. What about my career? As it is I'm having so much trouble deciding what to do during end of year holidays and what to do next year in general. I don't even know if I'm finishing up my education with a Bachelor degree or something greater... just hate this uncertainty.

Now with all that said..... I'm going to follow MY mother's advice, and just, "Let nature take it's course". I don't know when or how my life's gonna turn out after this year. But... things will unfold... there's no doubt about it. I mean, life is happening whether you'd like it to pause or not. Whatever's to come... will come. Before I know it, I'll be 75 and sitting in KYC... drinking Milo Ping with JJ... and talking about dentures and kids having no respect anymore. Hahah..

Maaaaaaaan.... we're actually growing up.

Shit just got real yo.

Studying

While shampooing my hair, I was thinking, do I really hate studying? I mean, why? When it comes down to doing research and writing up shit... Do I really hate it? Why do I hate it?

I actually don't. The only reason I hate it is because I know I can be doing something else that's less boring. Stress comes before and after doing my homework - Before, because I know what lies ahead and how much I have to do to get it finished. After, because, even though I did some homework, it's never really complete.. until literally the night before it's due. I also stress when I hit deadends. The thing about deadends... is that they are always temporary. I always pull through and think up something in the end, regardless of the quality. But everytime I hit a deadend, I look for distractions, until I feel motivated enough to start again. Once i start, and reach that deadend again, I procrastinate again.

It's so annoying! Why do I do that!? the fact that I pull through everytime shows that if I stick to it long enough, I'll be out of that deadend eventually. I shouldn't just quit everytime after being blocked by one.

Anyway, upon realising all this, I've decided to take a new approach to studying. I have to always remind myself that I don't actually hate studying. I like finding relevant information. I like knowing I'm contributing to my future by studying. I like knowing I'm growing and I like knowing I'm progressing. Most of all I like knowing I'm getting things done.

And what to do when I hit another deadend? Keep going! This is my self-promise. No quitting. If I ever feel like it, I'll remind myself I always think of something in the end so I might as well think up something straight away (no matter how many times I keep hitting myself with mental blocks).

I spent most of the weekend pondering to myself and reflecting before coming to this.... conclusion.... or whatever it's called. Sicne then I've been reminding myself that studying and doing homework will reward me and bring me closer to my life goals. And though I was no where close to my homework the past few days, I was excited to get back to it. And I did.

I'm not done with my homework or anything, but I thought I could take some time sharing this with you people :)

Wife Being The Bread Winner

Sam asked me this question last night and I found it so difficult to answer:

If you're a married woman, would you be okay with it if your husband earns less than you? I.e. You're the bread winner of the family.

Be honest now!

I really couldnt answer. I mean objectively speaking, it shouldn't matter. But I know myself. Even on the dating scene, I would expect the boy to pay for me SOMEtimes. I just like to be taken care of. That said... I KNOW, when I have money, I don't care. Let me explain.

Being in Australia, I consider myself to be very poor. And always broke. Hence, dating a guy, I would like to be taken care of (sometimes). However, being in Malaysia, the level of "socioeconomic status" at which I live in is a bit higher than where I am at as student in Australia therefore I have, and can spend a LOT more money (parents' of course). I know for a fact when I have money I am generous. Guy, girl, friend, new friend, I am willing to pay for things if I feel like it.

Now tying back to marriage. If I end up being a loaded mother fucker... I don't think I'd care if my husband is the lower income earner OR even a househusband. I would care if he's not doing anything and bumming around. Given that he doesn't bum but works very hard whatever hes doing (be it stay-home-dad or plumming), I can safely say I would not care.

But if both of us are struggling just to be comfortable, and cannot afford to go out at restaurants for dinner twice a month or something, then I would have a problem if my husband earns less than me. It's weird right? I mean.. I don't like "struggling", and for my husband to not step up and relief some of the pressure, I'd be very very disturbed.

This just brought me to another point. IF say we're not struggling but not loaded either, i.e. happily middle class, HAPPILY, and both my husband and I are happy with our careers even though he's the lower income earner, I think I would be okay with it too. I guess it all comes down to how at peace I am with the situation. Any kind of added stress would increase the tension and affect how I deal with being the bread winner.

With unlimited wealth, that's no/less stress (hypothetically speaking compared to the others).
Husband being the lower income earner? No problem.

Struggling financially, higher stress.
Husband being hte lower income earner? PROBLEM.

Happy, happy whatever it is, less/no stress.
Husband being the lower in come earner? No problem.

I also thought about how my parents would think, and definitely, regardless of the situation... they will NOT be happy that my husband is not the bread winner. Typical Chinese :)

Anyway.

I wonder what guys think of this? Men, if your wife earns more money than you would it bother you?

Here's a scenario Sam gave me for guys to think about:
If you're out with your mates and everyone's paying for their meal. Are you okay that everyone knows the money you're taking out from your wallet, is actually your wife's money?