While shampooing my hair, I was thinking, do I really hate studying? I mean, why? When it comes down to doing research and writing up shit... Do I really hate it? Why do I hate it?
I actually don't. The only reason I hate it is because I know I can be doing something else that's less boring. Stress comes before and after doing my homework - Before, because I know what lies ahead and how much I have to do to get it finished. After, because, even though I did some homework, it's never really complete.. until literally the night before it's due. I also stress when I hit deadends. The thing about deadends... is that they are always temporary. I always pull through and think up something in the end, regardless of the quality. But everytime I hit a deadend, I look for distractions, until I feel motivated enough to start again. Once i start, and reach that deadend again, I procrastinate again.
It's so annoying! Why do I do that!? the fact that I pull through everytime shows that if I stick to it long enough, I'll be out of that deadend eventually. I shouldn't just quit everytime after being blocked by one.
Anyway, upon realising all this, I've decided to take a new approach to studying. I have to always remind myself that I don't actually hate studying. I like finding relevant information. I like knowing I'm contributing to my future by studying. I like knowing I'm growing and I like knowing I'm progressing. Most of all I like knowing I'm getting things done.
And what to do when I hit another deadend? Keep going! This is my self-promise. No quitting. If I ever feel like it, I'll remind myself I always think of something in the end so I might as well think up something straight away (no matter how many times I keep hitting myself with mental blocks).
I spent most of the weekend pondering to myself and reflecting before coming to this.... conclusion.... or whatever it's called. Sicne then I've been reminding myself that studying and doing homework will reward me and bring me closer to my life goals. And though I was no where close to my homework the past few days, I was excited to get back to it. And I did.
I'm not done with my homework or anything, but I thought I could take some time sharing this with you people :)
Showing posts with label uni. Show all posts
Showing posts with label uni. Show all posts
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Pardon the whinge
Time’s pulling all sorts of tricks on me. There’s just one more year to go and I’ll be out of the studying scene. I can’t wait for it to be over, seriously. That said I feel like I need EXTRA time for my assignments and things. I need extra time to understand what the fuck I’m reading. I need extra time to learn the work I’ll be doing. I need extra time for myself, for reflection. I need extra time to calm down. I need extra time for friends. I just need time, yet I can’t wait for it to past!
People say we’ll miss this anxiety once we graduate, that we’ll want to go back to rushing assignments in before the due dates. I… actually do not see this in my future. Last year during the semester break month, I spend about 4 days a week in a café working my butt off. And I loved it. As the units for the next semester were unrelated to the previous one, there was nothing to worry about all month. No due dates. No research homework. No group meetings - Just the perfect balance of work, rest and play. Though I may have felt some sort of stress while working, normally it’s the kind of stress that ends after I sign off. I wasn’t in any managerial position so I needn’t worry about stocks and profits etc.
I loved getting paid and then spending the money on catching up/parting with friends, going out to dinners, and to the movies. I didn’t earn that much money but the money was enough to keep me comfortable. Now that I’m just an unemployed (soon employed) student, I can’t afford to do anything. I can’t look my friends whenever I want because I need to conserve fuel for going to uni and going to group meetings. I can’t just go out to dinner whenever I want because if I did I wouldn’t have enough money for lunch and breakfast.
It’s so hard to find the motivation when I can’t stop thinking about “back in the days of semester break”. I try to remind myself about the importance of achieving my goals and keeping to my self-promises. I try a lot. I tell myself - Life was never meant to be easy. I should just stop complaining and do what I have to do. Just suck it up and do it. Do it, and reward yourself. Do it, and help yourself.
Then I’ll hit some mental block while doing my assignment and I just get demotivated all over again. And then I’ll start cursing the course coordinator and bitch about why they made 4th year so bloody difficult.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
.
.
.
Inessa, no matter what. FINISH YOUR SHIT.
People say we’ll miss this anxiety once we graduate, that we’ll want to go back to rushing assignments in before the due dates. I… actually do not see this in my future. Last year during the semester break month, I spend about 4 days a week in a café working my butt off. And I loved it. As the units for the next semester were unrelated to the previous one, there was nothing to worry about all month. No due dates. No research homework. No group meetings - Just the perfect balance of work, rest and play. Though I may have felt some sort of stress while working, normally it’s the kind of stress that ends after I sign off. I wasn’t in any managerial position so I needn’t worry about stocks and profits etc.
I loved getting paid and then spending the money on catching up/parting with friends, going out to dinners, and to the movies. I didn’t earn that much money but the money was enough to keep me comfortable. Now that I’m just an unemployed (soon employed) student, I can’t afford to do anything. I can’t look my friends whenever I want because I need to conserve fuel for going to uni and going to group meetings. I can’t just go out to dinner whenever I want because if I did I wouldn’t have enough money for lunch and breakfast.
It’s so hard to find the motivation when I can’t stop thinking about “back in the days of semester break”. I try to remind myself about the importance of achieving my goals and keeping to my self-promises. I try a lot. I tell myself - Life was never meant to be easy. I should just stop complaining and do what I have to do. Just suck it up and do it. Do it, and reward yourself. Do it, and help yourself.
Then I’ll hit some mental block while doing my assignment and I just get demotivated all over again. And then I’ll start cursing the course coordinator and bitch about why they made 4th year so bloody difficult.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
.
.
.
Inessa, no matter what. FINISH YOUR SHIT.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I have to do homework today :(
I really don't want to.
But I have to :( Eventhough I'm on my 2 weeks break.
I have group meetings I have to prepare for, a community project to start off, and assignments to complete while possibly having 3 shifts a week.
I don't understand why they put so much on the 4th year program. Dissertation (case study assignment, literature review, research proposal etc), Counselling (case study and exam) and Community (field work project - program design, presentation and written report). What the fuck right? I swear if I fail this year, the next time I do it I'm doing it part time.
MAFAKA.
UNHAPPY!
But I have to :( Eventhough I'm on my 2 weeks break.
I have group meetings I have to prepare for, a community project to start off, and assignments to complete while possibly having 3 shifts a week.
I don't understand why they put so much on the 4th year program. Dissertation (case study assignment, literature review, research proposal etc), Counselling (case study and exam) and Community (field work project - program design, presentation and written report). What the fuck right? I swear if I fail this year, the next time I do it I'm doing it part time.
MAFAKA.
UNHAPPY!
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