Friday, October 8, 2010

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

Pictures speak for themselves.

They don't need to be explicit to tell a story.

And yet, the obvious may not actually be an adequate presentation of the captured moment.

I saw many pictures today :)

Some of me, some of my loved ones.

I saw the picture of me and Sam, dressed up, matching colours, matching smiles.

I smile.

I saw pictures of Sam, Jono and their elder brother Ashley, when they were kids.

I smile. I imagined their childhood as if watching an old video recording. I could see their parents' love reflecting from their eyes. I could see competition.. mischief. Bliss.

I saw pictures of Milo, who is currently lost (we suspect stolen).

I smile. Milo's squinty eyes look past the camera.. staring straight at his owner, proudly, as she took the photo. He was on my lap, while I was on th driver's seat, parked of course, with his front paws perched on the steering wheel. Such small creature.. yet balls of steel. Unfortunately.

I saw pictures of Sam and his mother taken on his 21st birthday.

I smile. I remember the story she told us, about how much alcohol was wasted that day. I remember the story she told of her and Sam's father. Forever love, confirmed at age 17. I remember Jono, Sam and I sitting with their mom, chit chatting, before we went to bed. Which made me remember my mom. Because my siblings and I did the same.

I saw pictures of Sam and his previous love.

I blinked. I paused. Mixed feelings. But can you blame me?

I remember seeing the photo the first time. Saved the photo, looked for my best friend online, send the photo to him, and said "Jay! how hot is this mix?? She's mixed everything. Dutch, Indon, Indian etc etc I can't remember all". And Jay said, "She's okay, I guess. Who's the guy??!?"

I smile.

I remember seeing the same photo shortly after I got to know Sam, and remember feeling... confused, no, rather, curious. At this time, I was holidaying in Malaysia. This was also the same time I discovered Sam and Sam were no longer Facebook friends. Which made me even more curious. I never knew what happened between them (at that time). But from what I gathered in my few encounters with Sam, I knew, he rather not talk about it. And one thing I learnt from the past was, "letting nature take it's course", and by asking about his past.. especially after getting the vibe that I shouldn't ask, I believe is pushing nature.


I remember thinking about this shortly after I came back from holidays. And Sam and I had been dating for some weeks now. He had told me about his story. I listened. I cringed with him, I sighed with him, I laughed, I was in awe, I was speechless. I was touched. I remember, after knowing, and looking at the same photo again when I came across it... I smiled. I understood why the photos were still there. Just because something ended badly, didn't mean you had to regret the entire journey. I remember feeling so much more respect for Sam then.

Then, I remember coming across the same photo.. few days ago. I stared. And stared. And stared. Staaaaaaarrrredd. And my heart sank. And I start to sulk. Unlike previously, I looked at this photo as if I saw it the first time, as his girlfriend. I didn't like it. I shut the window immediately, and distracted myself.

It's funny how time can change the littlest things. Half a year ago, I hadn't seen Sam for 3 months and I couldn't care less. A month ago, I hadn't seen him for a week, and I was devastated. Like real emo.

:)

I shall now end with..


(Thanks Jono, for the perfect video recommendation/conclusion.)

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