I dreamt that I was being chased by some gang who for some reason enjoyed torturing people for the heck of it.
I kept running and running. Then, I'd been shot by thin arrows from the back. I felt the pain. (I thought you don't feel pain during dreams??) I've never felt so scared of something or someone in my entire life. I knew they were going to do something to me. I was panicking as I ran up a bushy hill. I started getting weak and losing consciousness, from being tired and injured, but as I start passing out, I heard the barbarians getting closer, laughing.
Upon gaining consciousness, I found myself tied to a chair and in front of me, were pictures of dead people. The barbarians were laughing and pointing at the pictures indicating I was next. I was crying, shouting, screaming for help, but it felt like I was in some trailer at some secluded desert. The photographs were horrific. Do you know what embroideries are?
They're that kind of stitching, where its particularly thick and its makes that protruding effect.
The dead bodies on the photographs had embroideries stitched on to their backs. And with not just normal thread, but thick metal thread like
I know right?!!?!? What the hell!
I was so so scared. They pushed my head to look at the photos even closer, pointing at them, and laughing again. I kept screaming "HELP!" till my throat hurt. Finally, I woke up from my sleep.. as I woke up I heard my self trying to yell out help though it sounded like a soft cry.
I was still scared when I woke up :(
2 nights ago I saw a few minutes of a psycho thriller movie. But those few minutes scared me enough. It was about a hitchhiker with psycho/killer tendencies. I think the cruelness of my dream may have came from that... like the psychoness of embroidering human backs with metal thread. But how that came from........... it popped up in my head yesterday, that it could be because of my anxiety and nervousness about starting uni again. I've read the unit outlines and my God, masters' nothing like bachelors'! So much shit to do. I was really really nervous about where I would stand in class. I wondered whether I'd be the only clueless one about HR or will there be others like me. Would I be the only quiet one when the lecturer asks the class something? Will it look obvious? Then there were readings we were supposed to have done prior to the first classes. And then there were textbooks I haven't bought. Emails I haven't checked.
Maybe I was wishing to run away because I felt that masters was going to be such. a. torture. I don't know! I just know the dream was fucking scary. And I was pretty fucking scared of being in my first class in a different university.
Well. I had my first Globalisation and Industrial Change class today. I was most worried about this one. I'm happy to say, I enjoyed that class a lot. I loved listening to the lecturer. Aside from being really engaging and having a brilliant mind, he literally sounds like an older Stewie. Stewie from Family Guy.
He's probably gay who knows... he just has that bit of flare about him.
And I didn't feel that stupid in class :D There were in fact a number of people from a psych background who didn't know a single thing about Globalisation.
I at least, know a tiny bit :)
Masters is an opportunity for me to start afresh. My bachelor grades were so borderline. And they were because I really didn't put in as much effort as I should have. I believe the marks I got were fair. This time, I'm going to aim high from the beginning. I won't be lazy. I will do my weekly homework. I will participate in class. And I will do well. I have a blank canvas...... and I want to put fucking flying colours on that shit. I've always settled for a pass and theres nothing wrong with a pass. I wanted I guess, the passes. I never aimed for the moon so that I could fall on the stars, I aimed for the clouds so that I could.. kill birds. And I've always tried... to kill two birds.. with one stone. That was exactly how I operated. How lazy I was. Using a shortcut whenever possible. Well this time would be different.
No more shortcuts.
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