After all that crap

I've decided to change my essay topic. To my surprise, I wasn't struggling as bad. Still, I have only just written my introduction. I don't know why I waited till now to change  the topic.

All that time before - wasted. Seriously. Kill me.

And I forgot I also have a 2-page summary to hand in, on top of the 2 different essays due.

How the hell did I end up this way?

Blocked

I can't believe I wasted so much time this week.

I have two essays due next week. I have ZERO words down. I am freaking out. I keep writing up plans and skeletons to help me start but I keep getting blocked. Everything I think about ends up being backed by "buts" and "why" and "I don't know"!

I feel a bit helpless.

And here she is!

Aunty Flow has arrived.

I'm hardly the negative kind

But tonight I have the urge to erase a huge chunk of my Facebook friends list.

I think I will do it. What's the point if people don't recognise me on the streets right :)


*Edit: About 200 off my list.

O.O

Who will I be.


What will I be.


Who will be with me.


Will the things important to me today, be just as important a year from now?


Part of me wants to strive for everything, because I know I deserve everything.

Yet, another part of me tries to keep me grounded and to pace myself, because I know "everything" never means everything.

I just don't want to lose myself in the midst of fighting. I like to absorb and count all the blessings that I have. The thing about reality, is that it's a reality of your own. Its good and bad. One day, this reality tells you, nothing should ever cause you to worry, it makes sense, the world is for us to live. So we should live. A different day, another reality shows that, you have to worry. If you don't worry, you'll never be pushed to explore your capacities.

Where is the line?


I am witnessing how rapidly things are changing, how the world never stops spinning, how everyone around me is developing, I can almost picture how the future of others will turn out... just not mine. I don't want a lot for my future. Basically, I don't care what it is I end up doing, I just want to be happy and content. My loved ones for ever present in all the precious moments of my life.

I don't want a lot for my future. But, could that still be too much?

:/

My period is coming, I've been listening to Alicia Keys, my boyfriend's not in town, my parents are hours away and my best friends are not online...

I couldn't help myself but ponder.

Started reading Xanga blogs again

Interesting stuff! I actually forgot how great Xanga's developed. Normally, one of my favourite sections of chick mags are the relationships or confessions and embarassing stories, Xanga has communities of blogs dedicated to each of them! And their homepage shows featured blogs and most viewed etc. Really easy to filter out what you actually rather read about.

I think I found another website I can waste my time to during work :D

I came across this blog 5 minutes ago. As you can tell from the link, its a blog where people anonymously write their secrets to that eventually will be published for everyone to see. We all love secrets, don't we!

http://confessionsandsecrets.xanga.com/746462331/secrets-xii/

That was an interesting post. Have to say, some were very sad :/ but hmm.. makes u wonder as well, if you ever find out whether something like those things happened to you.

:)

I is a happy camper

I've completed my essay~ I worked hard, but I'm not sure if I worked smart :/

I think I did a good job. Normally I never bother to check anything after I've finished, but I checked and checked and edited and checked and edited this time. I really want to do well, but I just don't know what to expect! I'm scared :c I put in so much effort and I'm scared my results are gonna come out shit anyway. I've been very committed this semester, and I can bear to see all that goes to waste when I have an average mark.

Hmmph.

And Sam is awayyyyyyyyy. He's in KL now.

I want him home :(

Actually, we spoke about going to KK mid year. It doesn't matter really if he's unable to make it. I WANT to go back and see my family. It will be a bonus if he makes it too :) Sam says he wants to go fishing. hahaha.. I'm sure Papa can organise something for us. I've only ever went on a fishing trip once. And I only caught one fish. This was in Pulau Tiga.

I wanna take Sam to the mud volcano!

-

I just went out to the kitchen and Rett's watching this film about the guy whose arm got caught between the rocks and after days being stuck, he broke his bones and cut off his arm to free himself! You've heard of the story???? The movie is gruesome!!! I came out just in time to see him snipping his nerves off and screaming in pain!!! I'm traumatised D':

Who You Are

I stare at my reflection in the mirror...

Why am I doing this to myself?

Losing my mind on a tiny error,

I nearly left the real me on the shelf ...

"no,no, no, no..."

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay...

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are

(Who you are)x11

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?

I forgot what to do to fit the mould , yeah!

The more I try the less it's working yeah yeah yeah

Cause everything inside me screams, "no,no,no,no..."

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no, egos

Fake shows like woah

Just go, and leave me alone

Real talk real life

Good love goodnight

With a smile that's my home

That's my home

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are

Who you are

Dehydrated skin

My skin is so dry, I wish I could sleep in a bath tub filled with milky moisturiser!

I've always wanted to try this :(