Pardon the whinge

Time’s pulling all sorts of tricks on me. There’s just one more year to go and I’ll be out of the studying scene. I can’t wait for it to be over, seriously. That said I feel like I need EXTRA time for my assignments and things. I need extra time to understand what the fuck I’m reading. I need extra time to learn the work I’ll be doing. I need extra time for myself, for reflection. I need extra time to calm down. I need extra time for friends. I just need time, yet I can’t wait for it to past!

People say we’ll miss this anxiety once we graduate, that we’ll want to go back to rushing assignments in before the due dates. I… actually do not see this in my future. Last year during the semester break month, I spend about 4 days a week in a café working my butt off. And I loved it. As the units for the next semester were unrelated to the previous one, there was nothing to worry about all month. No due dates. No research homework. No group meetings - Just the perfect balance of work, rest and play. Though I may have felt some sort of stress while working, normally it’s the kind of stress that ends after I sign off. I wasn’t in any managerial position so I needn’t worry about stocks and profits etc.

I loved getting paid and then spending the money on catching up/parting with friends, going out to dinners, and to the movies. I didn’t earn that much money but the money was enough to keep me comfortable. Now that I’m just an unemployed (soon employed) student, I can’t afford to do anything. I can’t look my friends whenever I want because I need to conserve fuel for going to uni and going to group meetings. I can’t just go out to dinner whenever I want because if I did I wouldn’t have enough money for lunch and breakfast.

It’s so hard to find the motivation when I can’t stop thinking about “back in the days of semester break”. I try to remind myself about the importance of achieving my goals and keeping to my self-promises. I try a lot. I tell myself - Life was never meant to be easy. I should just stop complaining and do what I have to do. Just suck it up and do it. Do it, and reward yourself. Do it, and help yourself.

Then I’ll hit some mental block while doing my assignment and I just get demotivated all over again. And then I’ll start cursing the course coordinator and bitch about why they made 4th year so bloody difficult.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
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Inessa, no matter what. FINISH YOUR SHIT.